The Cliche Story Of The Girl Next Door

twenty two

I looked up and my eyes met Jc's. I quickly wiped the tears off my face and laid my sketchbook on the floor beside me. I turned back to Jc and gave him a small fake smile.

"What's up?" I asked him not really knowing what to say. He searched my face for a moment. I then watched as he crawled through his bedroom window and into my room.

He sat down beside me and we sat in silence for a couple seconds. "What's wrong shortcake?" He asked sounding tired but still worried.

"Couldn't sleep." I shrugged like nothing was wrong. I've gotten good at hiding how I'm really feeling, but I could tell by the look Jc gave me, he wasn't buying it.

"Come on shortcake" he said nudging me, "Talk to me" I looked up at him to already find him staring at me. I looked back down fiddling with my hands.

I want to tell him but at the same time I don't. I decide with the easiest because, why not?

"Its really nothing. I just couldn't sleep." I lied straight to his face. I feel really guilty but I can't tell him. I hear him sigh from beside me. I keep playing with my fingers because they suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world.

"Its hard." I finally say. I look over at him to find him already staring at me.

"Whats hard?" He questions. I want to tell him. I wish I could tell him. But I honestly don't know what's wrong? I don't know how I feel.

"Everything." I breathe out. I shake my head and chuckled. "Its so wierd. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I have so many emotions running through me all of the time and it's overwhelming. It's like im stressed without having anything to be stressed about. And im sad, and hurt, and I feel empty and worthless. I just don't know what's wrong. And it's hard. It's hard not knowing." All of these words just spill out of my mouth before I could even think about what I said.

"Ryan" Jc says. My real name sounds strange coming from his mouth.

More words start to spill out of my mouth before he could finish talking. "And then there's this other thing. It's always in my mind and it won't go away. I always wonder: what if I don't want to feel all of these emotions? What if I just want it to end?"

I don't know where all of this is coming from or why I'm telling him. I feel his whole body tense as I talk.

"You know how easy it would be? To just end it?" I question looking at him. I see tears in his eyes but the never fall. I knew he was to stubborn for that. But right now, I don't feel like crying. I don't feel anything.

"Are you saying-" he stops but I know what he means. I shrugg carelessly.

"I'm just sick of it. Sick of everything, ya know? Like why am i even here?" I say

        *Jc's Point Of View*

"I'm just sick of it. Sick of everything, ya know? Like why am i even here?" Ryan says. What she is saying is scaring me. I can't explain the way my heart literally ached when she said all of those things. Is she saying she wants to kill herself? I'm so confused on why she would even consider it.

"My dad's in jail." She says out of no where. I look at her shocked.

So that's why her dad isn't around.

"He was driving while drunk, I was in the car. Wrapped the pole around a tree, killed a little girl who was in the car with her dad. Put me in a coma and the little girls dad killed himself after that." She said. She had no emotion in her voice whatsoever. But at the same time had every single emotion in her words. She was talking as if she didn't even care but at the same time talked as if she thought about if everyday. In this moment I felt like I didn't know her even though she's telling me her past.

"Its my fault" she said quietly. I watched as her small figure stood up and walked over to the window looking out. The way the moonlight hit her face made her look beautiful.

I don't get it. I don't know if I like her. She makes me feel different then when I'm with other girls. But then she'll make me so mad but I'll miss her when she's not with me. I'm just confused. I know I care about her but I don't know if it's like that. It's just....I don't even know.

I stand up and walk over to her.

  *Ryan's Point Of View*

I feel arms wrap around me from behind. Knowing that it's him I lean back into him. His breath on the back of my neck sends shivers down my spine.

"Its not your fault." He whispered. I felt tears sting my eyes and I shook my head. I've heard that before. But it is, isn't it?

It all had to be my fault. Why else would my mom say those things to me? Why would she hit? Why would my dad want revenge for what happend? Why would my brother left for all I those years without a word? I'll tell you.

It's my fault.

"Dont cry Shortcake." Jc mumbled into my hair, his grip around me tightening. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him.

"You should go. We need sleep for school tomorrow." I say as happily as I could. I guess it was believable because he gave me a small smile.

"Goodnight Shortcake" he said before he disappeared through the window.

And that's when I broke down.