The Cliche Story Of The Girl Next Door

twenty five

Do you ever just want to start over? To just leave everything behind. To forget everything. That would be nice. To forget. Don't you think? Just forget everything. Everything bad that's ever happened. I've dreamed of that since I was just a little girl. I remember wanting to just escape. To run away from all the darkness that clouded my mind. Right now, that seems like the best thing ever. Escaping. And I really wish I could.

I don't look up from my hands after I finish talking. I talked about my dad and the little girl. I also listened to both of them telling me that it wasn't my fault. I told them about the beatings from my mom and the abuse I have taken from her over the yearsl: verbal and physical. I told them about the depression. I told them everything. And I mean everything. Except for one small thing.

The cuts.

Cameron already knew. And I know my brother, and he'll tell Dustin. Just not with me here. He knows me too. He'll know I won't to see how Dustin will react. He might be mad, disappointed, sad, I don't know, and I don't want to know. And he knows that.

I wait for someone to speak. I wait for the screaming. Or I wait for the crying. I'd maybe, possibly I wait for the leaving. But there's nothing.

Nothing.

Until the doorbell rings. I wait for a second to see if one of them were going to get it. But no. Still nothing. I silently get up and walk over to the door.

To my surprise, it's Jc.

"Listen Shortcake-" he stops immediately when he sees me. His eyes grow dark. He looks mad, but at the same time I see sadness in his eyes.

I step out of the way and motion for him to come in. I watch as he slowly makes his way in. I'm looking down at my feet, but i feel his eyes on me.

"Shortcake what happened to you?" He asked, his voice full of anger and concern. I can't explain this again. And I suddenly feel self conscious as I look down at the giant hoodie I'm wearing and no pants.

"Im- I'm a- gonna go change..." I stutter over my words for some reason walking up he stairs. I hear Cameron say something like 'sit down' and then some more talking that slowly fades away as I reach my room.

I start thinking of how relieved I really am. I got everything off my chest. Everything I've been holding in for so long. Everything that's drug me down for so long finally came out, and I'm not gonna lie: it feels so good. To just have everything out there like that.

I change into some black shorts and gray sweatshirt. I slowly and quietly crept down half the stairs and sat down. Pulling my knees to my chest, I listened. I listened as my brother and Dustin explained everything to Jc. They probably knew that I wouldn't want to go through all of that again. It was hard enough the first time.

I waited for him to say something, but If never spoke. I don't know why, but there was a part of me that wanted, no, needed him to say something. I wanted to hear his voice say something, anything. I wanted to know if he was mad, or if he even cared.

Stop! Your doing it again! You know he cares!

I'm sorry...

Your too insecure

I can't help it.

Everything is silent now. I guess they are finished. But shouldn't someone be saying something. Shouldn't he be saying something. I decided it was time to go down there.

I stepped into the living room and all eyes snap towards me. Cameron just looked sad. Dusting looked a little shocked and I think sad. But I couldn't read Jc. But they all had the same emotion on their face.

Sorrow.

I hate when people feel sorry for me. I hate pity. I just hate it. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel broken and shattered. They look at me as if one wrong word and I'll break down right then and there.

But what they don't know is: I am strong.

I've woken up everyday for years, and my mind somehow always wonders to my blade. And it would be so easy to just walk into the bathroom. So easy. Its right there. But i dont. (Up until recently.) Because im strong. Thats one thing I don't doubt about myself that much.

"Anyone up for ice cream?" I blurt out. I don't know, okay?! I just want someone to say something. I want them to stop looking at me.

"Ryan..." Cameron starts but I shake my head stopping him.

"Come on guys, let's go get some food or something." I say going over to the couch where Dustin and Jc were. I grabbed their hands and attempted to pull them off the couch. They finally got up and they all followed me to the door.

"I need to get home..." Dustin says pulling my arm so I am standing in front of him. I look up at him and he looks at me. It's a mixed feeling seeing him back here again. It brings back so many memories: good and bad.

I nodded and he pulls me into a hug. "I missed you." He whispers into my ear. I nodded, not knowing what to say. I missed him too. A lot. We pulled away, and my eyes met Jc's. The only emotion I could read was anger. Why is he mad? Did I do something?

My brother and Dustin said their goodbyes and then he left. I turned to the other guys, both of them still quiet.

"So food then?" I say breaking the silence. Cam nodded and grabbed his keys, and Jc just kind of stood there. I slipped on shoes that were by the door and followed my brother to his car.

I felt a tug at my arm as I opened the passenger door. I turned around to Jc. He pointed to the back and mumbled something like 'sit with me'. I slowly nodded and climbed into the back seat with him. I was confused on why he wanted me to sit in the back with him, but i didn't protest.

We drove to a little cafe close to our house. We all ate in silence, and then there was me trying to start a conversation. But it just stayed quiet, making it ten times more awkward.

"You guys wanna walk to the park?" I say pointing to the park that was across the street. Again, Cameron nodded and Jc just sat there. Cameron paid for all of ours and we walked in silence to the park. The only sound was the leaves crunching under our feet.

I stoped and groaned in frustration. I turned around to face them. "Someone say something!" I say a little loudly. "Youve both been quiet. Say something anything!" I plead. This silence was driving me crazy.

"Ryan-" Jc starts but I shake my head and give out another groan.

"No! Your supposed to call me Shortcake!" I yell at him. He looks at me with an unknown emotion, which makes me more mad.

"Come on Ry, don't you think we should talk or something?" Cameron says. I immediately shake my head again.

"Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about." I say quickly. I turn around and walk over to the swings. I sit down and just swing my feet. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to! Why would they want to hear it all over again. I don't want to think about it all over again.

I ignore them and don't look up when the each stand beside me. I know I'm going to have to talk about it. You can't ignore somethig like that. Plus I've ignored it for so long, just kept it all bottled up for all of these years, wouldn't it help to talk about it?

But I can't.

"I don't want to talk about it." I say my voice cracking at the end. I mentally slap myself. I've let too much out today. Way too much. More than I ever have before. And it scares me. It scares me that I'm slowly breaking down.

I glance over at them. I see Jc whisper something in Cam's ear. Cam nods and get up. He walks away without a word leaving me confused and alone with Jc. What did he say to Cameron? Why did he leave?

"You don't have to talk about it." Jc spoke softly, breaking the silence. I looked over at him, he was looking down at the ground. I looked up at the sky to see it was almost dark.

"But shortcake," he says. My eyes meet his. "You can talk to me ya know?" He says. I nod slowly and he gives me a small smile. He holds out his pinkie between us. "Promise you'll talk to me. Whenever you need to." He says. I look at his pinkie and then him. I link my pinkie with his grinning.

"I promise."