EIGHTEEN (H.S)

18- Ushuaïa

The next morning, I woke up with a huge headache and a heavy heart. Last night memories left me bitter. Sometimes, I hated myself for not listening to my instinct, I knew that it wasn't a good idea to go to Harry's with Ryan, but I didn't want to admit it. Harry kept creating drama in my life, even as a friend, and saying that I was more lost than ever was a litotes. But above all, I was tired of all this shit.

"You're awake?" I heard the bedroom door cracking, and Ryan's features appeared in the door frame. I was so engulfed deep in my thoughts, that I didn't even realize I was in Ryan's bed.

We hadn't spoken last night, during the drive to his place. It was just not the right time. We just went to bed in silence, instead of saying things that we both could regret.

Turning around, I sat, my back against the headboard. Looking at my hands, Ryan came over and sat beside me, above the sheet. Taking my hand in his, he lifted my head up with the tip of his free hand. "Look, I'm sorry for being an asshole last night" he sighed, and tightened his hand on mine, his eyes staring at mine. "It's just, I lost my temper. I don't like how he bossed me around, and how he acts like he owes you. How you're different towards him."

"What do you mean?" He caught my attention. My eyes locked with his.

"Babe, I don't want to be mean or rude." He started to say, him calling me babe made me having a sting in my stomach, his thumb brushing the skin of the back of my hand. "I'd been that kind of guy; I was like Harry before. I kept using the girls, playing with their feelings, not caring about the consequences for them."

It wasn't fair, what he thought about me, and about Harry. I wasn't that weak or anything towards Harry. And I felt like he was judging me "Harry isn't like that" I said, firmly, staring at him in the eyes.

"He is, it's just you don't want to admit it" he retorted, his glare stuck on me. He frowned slightly, not happy by what I said.

"I disagree" I blurted out. I didn't take it well, what he said. Harry hadn't always been like that with me. Before the fame, he was a nice guy, I could rely on him, and he had always been there for me. He was the light of my life at a point, I just couldn't give up on him so easily, because we were having hard time. But I couldn't lie, or keep denying that he had changed, for a little while now. And what Ryan was saying, was what I insinuated to my mother, when she kept telling me that Harry was the best for me, I just informed her that he wasn't the boy she knew.

Was I crutching myself at an another time Harry?

Again, I was lost in my thoughts, and overthinking everything.

Seeing that I was unable to speak something coherent, Ryan kept going. "I used to didn't care about the consequences for the girls I was dating. I played with them, and throwing them away, taking them back again, when I wanted. I kept doing that for a while. Until once, when karma hit me. When I realized how I lost the girl I loved, I changed." He added. The look on his face showed how painful the memory was.

"Believe me, when he'll know what if feels like, to lose the girl he loves, he'll change." He looked like he was reliving something painful, and I was now curious. But it definitely wasn't the right time to dig to know more.

"I guess it makes sense" I confessed. This little chat was supposed to make me feel better, but it actually made me feel sad, and confused. Or maybe, it was actually very clearing in my head.

Soon, Ryan removed his hand from mine, and a frown appeared on his face. "Are you still into him?" he finally asked. The fact that I didn't agree that easily with him was pissing him off, I could tell. He didn't like that I was seeing one of my ex that much, besides the rock star Harry Styles. But I was just trying to be pragmatic. "Because you keep saying that you're over him, that the two of you are just friends, but he wasn't your friend last night, he wasn't a protective brother, he was a jealous ex-boyfriend." He said, now looking at the wall.