Dear Fay,
I have no way of contacting you. And every time I have no way of contact with you. Honestly, I get depressed. Not depressed enough to end my life. No, I'm past that. You helped me so much with that. Depressed enough to self harm. But I know you don't want me to do that. And I want you to be proud of me. And I love you with all my heart. God, I know I say this often. But I mean it Fay, I fucking love love love you. So much it hurts. But this is about depression isn't it? I feel like a wimp right now. Honestly, because I'm too much of a wimp to ask my dad to let me go to your town. For a visit during Winter Break. And oh god. If I went there during winter break. It would be the best Winter Break EVER. I want to hear your voice again. The whisper of your hair against my cheek, your scent in the air, surrounding me. It calms my rising anxiety attack. Just thinking of you calms it. Sadly, I don't remember your scent. But I assure you, you smell gorgeously. Is that even a thing? I started talking to Kayla recently and you sounded a bit down when I told you. So, yes I'm friends with her but you're my number one. You're my best friend Fay, hopefully forever, but who knows what happens when we die. I want you to be there. You'll always be my number one. This is hard for me to say even over text. So, I'm having an identity crisis. I know what I said about the kink I told you. But, I'm not sure if I'm into that. In all truth? It terrifies me. I know it's early in my life to decide. But you know my love for reading and especially romance novels so let me spell out the perfect guy for me. AKA my 'Katie'. He should be nervous around me in a good way. Dominating, but not in a frightening way. Possessive but not controlling, letting me have my own freedom too. Nerdy and cute, yet also like hot I guess in his own endearing way. He should also not be afraid to bicker with me. And we'll both be comfortable in each other's presence that I could just lay in his arms and I'll feel taken care of and protected. I guess the last one is the one I like the most about that kink. Why? Well. You know how my friendships with long time friends keep falling apart and I feel excluded. That's why. You're practically the only people I feel comfortable around. I would step in front of a bullet to save you. But, I don't know if I'm worth to save. I have so many things on my mind I don't know how to describe it. Marie and I were sort of close I guess while we were arguing. But, I think I was using her as rebound. I feel sort of bad. But, looking at her causes anxiety to fill my chest, suffocating me. It terrifies me. And I don't know what to do. So, Fay, I call upon you for some advise? I don't know. Just please help me.
I love you, Hades?
~Rose
PS. I realized I forgot to mention we met!!!!
YOU ARE READING
Dear Fay
RandomWhen your internet best friend decides you've come too close what do you do after you part ways? One way would be talk about it. Another would be to become depressed or even suicidal. Rose's way is to write. And she writes, pretending to talk to Fay...
