Dear Fay

I Don't Know

Dear Fay, 

I know you always want the best for me and you try the best to understand me and how I feel but this time, even I don't know how I feel. It, depression that is, has shook me up pretty good. I honestly don't think I can last another four months feeling lonely and lost. I walk around campus wishing I had friends. What I have with Nicole and Nik is more of an acquaintanceship more than anything. With Kate we don't talk much... I honestly don't have many close friendships and you know where I stand with Marie. I would rather eat mushrooms in every meal for a week than have to go on campus. (You and me both share our disgust for mushrooms) I mean, like the teachers I really, really don't like 99.9...% of the students there . I don't think I can last going to campus. I'd be perfectly fine if I was taught by the teachers, but I didn't have to go to campus. I just do not like the students. I don't know what to do. I need help. Someone to give me an opinion. I need help. But, alas, I know the ultimate decision has to come for me and I don't know what that decision is. I want to know. I need to decide soon. I can't do this anymore this year. I keep faking happiness and it's so so tiring. I can't do that anymore. It's just too much. I can't— I just can't do it. I need you. I need you here, with me. I've felt more lost. I know you're here, but I've also never felt more alone in my life. My dad told me a story earlier today about waiting for stuff like for him to retire, stuff like that. But the thing is, his percentages of liking the people he's with is greater than mine. You see, he went to his meeting today and I was there as he did the "bro-hug" thing that guys tend to do. He actually likes the people he works with. While, on the other hand I don't like anyone. I can't stay here. I know, it sounds like I'm running, but I'm trying to fix my problem. 

All my love,

Rose