Dear Fay,
It's been a while... Let's see... I'm still mad at mom but I don't wanna talk about it. With her at least. I just finished half of my english midterm yay! I think I'm getting depressed. Or going into depression? I don't know how to phrase it exactly... I do think about committing suicide, what I promised you I wouldn't do. But it's getting harder. It wouldn't be your fault though. Sometimes life just pulls you under. There's nothing you can do about it but sit and wait it out. Just like a riptide. It's like how I pretend to be strong and brave. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm broken inside and out. Pieces of glass that scatter across the floor with no way to repair. Every little thing that's said to me I take to heart. If someone says something about my food, I'll take it to heart and be suddenly hypersensitive to the smell. I'll pretend to not care and laugh it off. Inside I'm a mess. I'm breaking down crying, hysterical. The thing is, I don't even know why I care about other people's opinions. When you said I was gone all summer that was a stab to the heart. Yes, I wasn't on Instagram. But, I was on iMessage. We talked throughout the entire summer. From approximately a week after my birthday. Why do other opinions matter? I keep asking myself, but to no avail, I never get an answer in return. I'm also getting claustrophobic. Hah! Good luck to me getting on the Van today. I'm not sure how I feel.... Depression. Even the word sounds sad. It makes me have a heavy sinking feeling in my stomach, my heart raw I feel nothing. You slowed down my depression process. But now no one is there to stop it. It's the anniversary of my cyber bullying. Enough said, I suppose. I didn't except break my promise to you yet. But then again you would never know. I feel like I should tell someone about this. But I don't want to get sent to a rehab center. Is that before or after you attempt a suicide? Oh, Mother of Thor or even a therapist. They're so obnoxious. ...and creepy! "How are you?" "I'm doing fucking fine, that's exactly why I'm here because I'm fucking fine thanks for asking."
Love,
Rose
YOU ARE READING
Dear Fay
AcakWhen your internet best friend decides you've come too close what do you do after you part ways? One way would be talk about it. Another would be to become depressed or even suicidal. Rose's way is to write. And she writes, pretending to talk to Fay...
