Dear Fay,
I have so many mixed emotions that I keep bottling up inside of me and I'm too scared to let them all loose. I miss you desperately and I need to see you in person. I'm scared I won't be able to. And I can't not see you. Earlier today I was being ornery but maybe I'm right to be. My math teacher was talking about how I need to get a program for math for chapter 10 or I'll fail math this year and he went on and on. My dad has done that too. Like if I didn't finish at CCA I wouldn't have a job, I'd have to stay in California and not be able to see you AND have to go to summer school. Sometimes I think people are just TOO MUCH. Like why are they like this?? They're so goddamn uptight and I can't deal with that. Then I have an anxiety attack and it just goes from bad to worse. Also I just have huge mood swings and I'm nowhere near my period like I finished it ITS GONE. Why is this happening. And then there's the fact that I also feel that itch every day now at LEAST one time per day. That itch. I think I've described it to you before. It's an itch on my wrist where I want to self harm so badly. I'm not really sure how to describe it but I'll try my best. It's like the itch on the bottom of your foot when you have your shoe on. Or even, just an itch and when you itch it, it just get more and more itchy. Like when I self harmed I would want to make it hurt more and more and more. I don't know if I ever told you this, but, aw fuck. I don't remember what I was saying. I just feel a strong itch right now. I often times make my heroines or main characters strong and gutsy because they're brave enough to say the things I think in my head. But, I also make them like me scared and a coward in some ways because they're too nice and shy to say anything. Sometimes I wish I had the guts. I want to move out of this house as soon as I can. My mom keeps being like let's talk about your phone. But I hope she realizes the more she pushes the farther way I go. Maybe one day I'll fall. I REMEMBER WHERE I WAS GOING. Sometimes I just want to self harm or try to commit suicide but call someone in time in hopes that you'll come?? That sounds kind of fucked up but it's true. I've had dreams of my funeral and you were there and I saw you. You were there. I don't know what else to say I don't know. All I know is I love you and I'd do anything for you.
Love,
Rose
YOU ARE READING
Dear Fay
AlteleWhen your internet best friend decides you've come too close what do you do after you part ways? One way would be talk about it. Another would be to become depressed or even suicidal. Rose's way is to write. And she writes, pretending to talk to Fay...
