so far away | yoonkook

noon : 13

"you like to write, hyung?"

yoongi grunts.

jungkook picks up one of the abandoned notebooks on the floor. yoongi had forgotten to put it back inside his bag last night. it's leather clad with an elastic seal, marked by age, but jungkook likes to think it's just because yoongi frequented in using it. this was his best notebook. his favorite.

jungkook undoes it, flips it open and scans over the word spillages. the ink bleeds through the paper like a bandage trying to prevent blood from clotting.

"like poems?" jungkook eyes the scribbles and curves with fondness.

yoongi grunts louder.

jungkook tries to make it a point to turn a page very gently so the rustling fibers doesn't bother yoongi.

he's still on his side, the pillow set against his face. jungkook worries he's not getting enough air in his lungs if the conditions were like that. yoongi strives to suffocate by one o'clock.

it's noon and the blinds are out of the way, allowing the sun to edge across the floor and land on yoongi's skin.

"same day, same moon. twenty-seven, every moment repeats. my life is in between. jobless twenty-somethings are afraid of tomorrow..." jungkook reads, silent tongue twisting behind closed lips. "it's funny, you think anything is possible when you're a kid. when you feel how hard it is to get through a day-"

"don't read that garbage."

startled, jungkook drops the notebook to the ground and it lands with a thump. he hurries, getting the folded pages to their initial condition, massaging the paper so they don't crease. but yoongi just chuckles at him.

"I-I-I think it's not garbage." jungkook stumbles over, closing the notebook and very slowly laying it back where he found it.

yoongi sits up. "they all tell me that." he drops the pillow onto his lap.

they sit parallel from each other, legs crossed, thoughts swimming, hearts beating and the permanent glint in jungkook's eyes never ceases to cause a flurry in yoongi's chest.

"actually, my mother used to really praise me for my writing. but I felt she only did that because I won medals for it."

jungkook's lips purse into a line, nodding slowly. "your father?"

"he never liked any of it. he only praised achievements which involved science or maths and he told me that if I kept my focus narrowed on those two fields, I'd thank him for teaching me tricks in success."

"did you?"

"I did."

jungkook lowers his gaze.

"but I hated it. I hated earning honors and studying for the sake of it. I was selfish. I still am. but I was adjusting my life to other people's own liking. I was becoming something only they dreamed of, not me." yoongi stares at his hands. he knows what he'll be seeing before his eyes even adjust to the patterns on his palms. the same lines, gashes, scars and patches are still there to remind him he hasn't changed one bit.

"you know what jungkook?"

the kid raises his head to look at yoongi.

"I wish someone would've told me earlier that I was in charge of my own life. I could've saved more time doing the things I wanted instead of trying to escape, only to come back to the same place that molded all my fears." he wets his lips when he feels the skin chipping again. yoongi sees jungkook's eyes following his gesture. "adults convince you that being young and being ruled over by foolishness go hand-in-hand. but they don't understand that they're so much more foolish for believing that statuses and money are all you need to feel happy or to be successful."

yoongi lays back down, face up, and stares at the ceiling. he exhales as if he hadn't released a breath in years.

"sometimes, the most abstract things like kindness and genuineness are what would make a person truly happy and successful." he says before he's closing his eyes again. he hadn't had enough sleep anyways, so he might as well get some at the moment.

but yoongi will have to wait for another time like that. unfortunately, jungkook would not allow it.

"I was the one who used namjoon hyung's phone to reply to you. I told you that you could stay." jungkook lies on his side, facing yoongi, his legs folded, hands under his head for support.

"I had a hunch."

"even before I saw you, hyung, I felt for you. I felt for your situation." jungkook says and tries to maintain the softness to his voice as he says everything right into yoongi's ear. "I've always wanted to leave too. but I never got around to doing it."

"because you were afraid?" yoongi doesn't turn the other way to look at him.

"yes." jungkook takes one of yoongi's hands and cups his cheek with it. "too afraid to miss the opportunity of meeting someone like you."