so far away | yoonkook

afternoon : 36

an exhale. namjoon got a bit fazed there. he hadn't noticed he'd been keeping a breath all along.

the sun hits him in a way that makes his skin tickle. he sits by his desk, the afternoon disintegrating slowly and the day carries on with its usual duties.

namjoon had found one of yoongi's notebooks lying underneath the bed. his hyung shares the guest room with jungkook now and they rarely leave the door ajar like that, aware that they weren't the only two in the unit. guess, nothing really stays the same around here for long.

namjoon had simply invited himself in. he meant no harm, was just planning to give the space a bit of a sweep. jungkook's gotten rather busy recently and couldn't spare more time inside the apartment anymore. namjoon couldn't count on yoongi to get the place tidy either.

and namjoon was just trying to set his attention on a particular responsibility because he's gotten fluxed and he knows it's getting unhealthy.

it's been a while since the other two headed out, leaving namjoon to take care of the cleaning. usually, he'd be preoccupying himself with his devices but it was the weekend and namjoon had nothing to do. no plans, deterred to study.

habitually, he takes his time finishing a book or three. but his focus had been elsewhere. his interests were faltering. namjoon knows he really shouldn't go back but kim seokjin doesn't think that he should fear anything.

he's told him this, maybe a week or so had passed, when namjoon had visited uni for any new updates.

what did a little luck do to namjoon this time?

he found seokjin leaning over the registrar window, talking to one of the gals behind the glass. he knows he wasn't flirting—because namjoon's aware when he was—but that didn't stop namjoon from agreeing with the green monster who whispered in his ear and told him to be jealous.

bravery struck him right where it should. he walked on, doing his best to ignore the way seokjin's babbling echoed inside the structure, high ceilings trapping his voice and dissolving into namjoon's senses.

all the news were contained in a nine by twelve feet corkboard. it hung on the wall of the main registrar's office, in the hall leading to the community center. everything was out in the open and everything was there to see. so namjoon had nothing to shield himself with and seokjin was bound to spot him once he passed by.

he wished that a glance would've sufficed, then they'd go on with their separate lives. but he'd visited seokjin once after he and yoongi came to the bar together. this action had already hinted that he came to get more than just a chat. he wanted his old memories back.

and seokjin knew of it and seokjin had approached him then, too. because someone said they were looking for tom and tom is sorry because all he could give was seokjin in his place.

kind of a funny story, namjoon would admit.

he plays cat but he also plays mouse. and seokjin is just a humble observer that ignores his questions when namjoon asks him which way he should turn the vehicle in this ever twisting road of life.

that is until, seokjin got tired of his naivety and took the wheel for himself, reeling him where he was destined to face.

so namjoon mumbled on about the possibilities and the doubts and seokjin listened and listened. namjoon let go of his guard and mentioned his 'I miss you's' and seokjin nodded his head and offered what warmth he had left for namjoon. deep down, he missed namjoon too. but he couldn't say it out loud, at least not yet.

"we'll find something." seokjin had said. "give me a call." he had added. these words weren't what namjoon had expected. they were better than he thought.

as hard as namjoon gripped onto his pride, he turns soft when things involve these kinds of meetings. the same way he mellowed when yoongi came to his door that night. the same way he did when jimin woke him up at five in the morning just to talk.

the same way he did when he and jungkook still lived alone together and the kid snuck into his room to share his bed. his feet got cold, he would say. namjoon didn't own many blankets after all.

and seokjin, well, his advantages were different. namjoon's softness is special when it's for him.

they say that lost things always find their way back home. and the feeling namjoon gets when he hears seokjin talking is a feeling that proves that he's finally been found.

the same way yoongi's been found. the same way yoongi writes about his rescue. his hyung morphs his thoughts with a bit more of a talent, gives his feelings the physicality they yearn for.

with every rise and fall and curve and rigid stroke, namjoon feels comfortable to conclude that this was yoongi's point of no return, now that he had what he'd been looking for.

this is it right? the reason to not beat yourself up each day? the home that is based on your personal interpretation? the love you never got? the first and biggest wish you had as a kid coming true?

jungkook is.

"right?" namjoon couldn't help but whisper aloud, staring into a page from yoongi's notebook where he last read from.