so far away | yoonkook

noon : 35

1)

sadness they say is a feeling;
loneliness they say is a feeling;

for I have felt these things all my life,
now they come to me in flesh;

now they stare back at me
when I seek myself in the mirror;

now I can hear them;

now I can touch them;

they are one and the same.

they live in the nails that peel
away the dead skin on my elbows,

in the saliva I swallow when
my throat throbs with thirst,

in the salt in my tears

in my carbon components,
the calcium in my bones,
the iron in my blood

sadness they say is something
I was born with;

loneliness they say is something
I will carry until I die;

do you believe them?

I believe them

I am them

I am.

-2:17 am

2)

mother told me:
never say "goodbye" to a friend

it defeats formality
it weakens faith
it causes a bond to crumble

all my life, I've been
doing it wrong

I run out the classroom door
waving at him as if I was
never to see him again

I wave once more when
she picks me up in our
maroon isuzu as if
she were to drive
me to a city five miles away

I wave again when I step out
through the square frame in his
bedroom and tell him

goodbye

my mother has scolded me
numerous times for this,
yet I never learn

goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

because when did a parting ever
capture such goodness?

when did separation
garner such feelings of joy?

but I grow up

you do as well

we realize the customs
and use them rightfully

I follow the rules,
I don't get into trouble

and we never mention
anything besides

a lie.

see you later.

remember,
don't say goodbye

-11:43 pm

3)

I never pray,
but tonight I do

in the darkest of hours
is when I grow fearful

I don't fear the demons,
they fear me