•thirty•

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I woke up in a car.

Everything around me was still blurry I couldn't make out faces or details but I felt safe.

"We got a pulse, she's alive" I heard the woman shout. Was I really going to die?i couldn't care the thought of it and I fell to sleep.

I woke up in a hospital bed it was very familiar to the one I was in when Joe saved me.

I opened my eyes to focus as I saw tired Joe who had red puffy eyes and messy hair. He looked terrible.

"You're alive" he said as a tear slipped down his face. I could not see him in this way. He looked as if his heart was shattered into million pieces and he was trying to glue it back together.

"I can't believe I let this happen" he could barely say the words over the shakiness in his voice. More tears slipped down his face and now mine were filled with them too. I wanted to embrace him. But I still couldn't move.

"I love you too Gabbie" he whispered as he laid his head on the side of my bed. I tried to move my hand but all that came out was a faint finger movement. I stared at my hand indicating him to take it so he did.

It felt good to have a familiar touch. As Joe started to calm down the rest of the guys came in. They all seemed slightly depressed but Jack looked nearly as bad as Joe.

He had red eyes and his lip was shaking. I could see him trying to keep it in but I couldn't do anything.

Joe placed his lips on my forehead and gave me a gentle kiss.

"We're so glad you are back" Caspar said looking at me with apologetic eyes as others nodded.

"You should rest" Conor said coming over to me and stroking my hair out of my face. I wish I was strong enough to speak to them because while I was there they were the only people that I could think about. I never had a family and they were the closest I ever been to one.

Everyone exited the room except Joe. He stayed with me sitting on the side of my bed as he held my hand he once more kissed the top of my head.

I still could not speak I just focused on one place on the wall I had so many emotions and just generally so much inside me that at the same time it felt like I had nothing to me, like I am a doll a doll someone used and got rid off once it was broken.

My eyes became heavy and I soon was asleep but now I was in peace and quite of Joes hands.

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