As you lay down - Destiel

She's American - 7

(A/N: NO I AM NOT GOING TO KILL SOMEBODY BECAUSE I AM NOT THAT FUCKING CRUEL OKAY)

Soon after Sam went I fell asleep and when I woke up Dean was standing at the window, talking to somebody on the phone. When he saw that I was awake he hung up. 

"How are you?" Dean asks and walks over to my bed. He sits down on a chair next to my bed that wasn't there before. He must have moved it. The thought of that makes me pretty happy. 

I smile at him and say "I'm okay, a slight headache, though" Dean smiles back at me and shakes his head a little. 

"So you actually fell and almost died. All those times you could have died out when we were hunting this might have been the one you actually did. What a way to go down swinging, don't you think?" Dean asks and I just keep looking into his eyes. He never notices when I do, not a lot of people does at all. But I feel like, at this point, Sam must have figured something out. If he has, I'm happy he hasn't said anything. 

"Yeah, so who were you talking to before I woke up?" I ask him. He doesn't look down which I almost expected him to do. 

"Annabeth, she's worried about you, asked if she could do anything"

Oh, Annabeth. "You never told me what she is like" I do feel like I'm better off not knowing but she makes Dean happy so I might as well ask. 

Dean still doesn't look down. "She's...American. Very American. The kind of girl you just know has a gun, you know what I mean?" 

I really don't. "I guess I do. Do you love her?" I ask, terrified of the answer. I don't want to know that he loves her and not me. So why did I ask?

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not sure, I mean I haven't met anything like her before, I don't know if I ever will again. But how could I even know what love is at this point?" Dean laughs a sad laughter and looks down. I knew he would at some point. 

But I realise what he's saying "Haven't you ever loved somebody? I ask Dean. 

He continues to look down "I don't know, I don't really think so. Just the love I have for Sam but not any sort of romantic love" Hearing that breaks my heart. Not because he says that he doesn't love me or anything, but for him. To never have discovered love must hurt. 

I have to move on from the subject, I can tell that it's hurting him. "Anything new from the nurses?" I ask and Dean looks up at me. I can't tell if his eyes are more pink than usual. It looks like it. 

"Wel,l they have determined that you have very low blood pressure, which Sam suspected. Which was the reason you fainted the first time and probably the second time as well" Oh yeah Dean doesn't know "So you gotta make sure that you eat and don't stand up too quickly" 

-----------------------------------

Seeing Cas in this position makes me sad. He shouldn't be in a hospital, he should be at home, with me and Sammy. I've never said that Cas home is with me and Sam, but I hope that he knows it. I care about Cas, the same way as a care about my brother. That might be because he's one of our few friends that still are alive. I get a rush of sadness as I remember them, Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Bobby, Kevin, Gabriel, Bela, Rufus and the list just goes on. Come on Dean, get it together. What's done is done. I look at Cas who's just staring up at the ceiling. He doesn't deserve to be here but he's better off here than where they are. 

I think about what Cas told me about love. I thought it was obvious about my feelings. I never really loved Lisa in a romantic way, she was just my attempt at being normal. That being said, I always cared about her and her son and I still do. But loving in a romantic way was never my thing. Not even in high school. I was a douche back then, I still am. But I'm done playing with people's hearts. No more of that. No more fake love. I'll most likely end up alone if I am to make it through this, which I highly doubt. The chances of me growing old are so small that they're practically non-existent. Even if I live until I can't fight anymore I still might end up at the barrel of a gun, but the question will be who is holding the trigger. I get so lost in my thoughts that I don't notice that Cas is talking to me. 

"What did you say?" I ask, almost feeling a little bit dizzy from being so deep in thought. 

"I asked" Cas takes a pause "what have you been doing while I was out?" 

"Well, I mainly walked around. Texted Sam a little, opened the window, closed the window, sat here and looked at you" I realise that I sound like Edward Cullen. 

Cas gives me a confused look "Why don't you just go home? It's not like anything is happening to me anyways" 

I think about that for a while, I'm not sure why I am staying. But leaving Cas alone in a hospital just feels so wrong. Leaving Cas at all is wrong. "I don't know, but you end up doing the most stupid shit at times. Somebody has to take care of you" 

Cas is smiling at me. I like when he does that. I like when people smiles at me in a non-sexual way. It's mainly Cas and Sammy who does that and it's just like everything get's so much brighter and happier. For a long time, it was only Sam who did that, it was nice when somebody else did it as well. 

"Cas, if I'm not sure that I love Annabeth. Should I still start something?" I say and think about how I said to myself that I wouldn't play around with people's hearts. 

Cas slowly blinks with his very blue eyes  and says "Does she love you?" 

I think about all the things she's said to me since we met, the messages and the phone calls. It's only been a few days but things seems to be moving forward "I think so" 

"Do you care about her emotions?" Cas squints his eyes. That always makes me want to laugh, I don't know why, but it makes me feel really happy. 

I think about her "Yeah, I really do" I say and smile. 

"Then don't. Don't hurt her" Cas says with such emotion that I can't help but wonder if he's been through something like this before, but that's impossible. He was an angel and since then he's just been with me and Sammy. 

He's right "I'll call her tomorrow, you should sleep" Cas lays down his head on the pillow, obviously tired from his damage. 

"Goodnight, Dean"