As you lay down - Destiel

Nana - 14

I have to do it today. Sam is forcing me. Well, as much as he can force me in his current state. Somehow he's managed to get the flu, probably from the cold weather. We rarely get sick but when we do it's full on immune system down. So today I'm seeing Mary. There isn't a way that I would ever be able to do it alone so Cas is coming along. I really appreciate that he offered to do that.

Sam is sitting with a blanket around his shoulders and a bowl of soup in front of him. He looks like hell, actually no, hell doesn't look that bad.

So I tell him "You look awful"

He coughs and says "Thanks for the encouragement"

"Always here whenever you need that"

Sam sneezes and asks "So, are you ready to do it?"

I sigh "I don't know, but I need to. I've barely gotten any sort of closure for 33 years"

I'm not sure if it's because of the flu or what I just said but Sammy almost looks broken. "It's been that long?" He asks.

"Yeah" I can't talk about this anymore "I'm gonna check if Cas is ready, you'll be okay?" I ask.

"Yep, good luck Dean"

I nod at him as a thank you. I'm really stressing about doing it right now. I just want to get over with it.

I knock on Cas door.

"You ready?" I ask just as he opens the door. He's not wearing his usual trench coat and tie but a black hoodie, he's almost looking like he's drowning in it. I just stare at him.

Cas looks down at the floor and says "What? It's cold outside..."

I just smile "Now you aren't a baby in a trench coat, you're just a baby"

Cas smiles back at me and says "Shut up"

I yell a goodbye to Sammy and we go out to the Impala. It's about an 8-hour drive from Kansas to Greenville so it isn't too far. I play some Bon Jovi so I don't fall asleep while driving. Cas is leaning his head against his hand when I look at him. I just feel something about him. It's so weird because I can't explain it.

He looks over at me "You ready for this?" Cas asks.

I rub my eyes and reply "No, but I need it"

Then Cas says something unexpected "I bet she was a lovely woman, Dean"

"I suppose she was, dad really seemed to love her. And those messed up times where I met her, she's been so warm-hearted" I remember when I was sent back in time. She was so kind. But if things would have gone differently I probably wouldn't have met Cas so I can see the good in the bad.

After a while, Cas falls asleep so I have to try my best to not drive into holes. Which fails miserably. Yet he stays asleep. I can't even imagine what turning human is doing to him. It must hurt him to lose everything he knew. I assume Chuck will check up on him every once in a while but the entire community and basically being able to live forever is gone. That means that one day he'll just be gone. He doesn't deserve that. Will he go to heaven? I'd assume so. Okay, no, I'm going way ahead of time. Cas won't die so soon.

We get to the graveyard with only one stop at a gas-n-sip. I remember Cas of when he was Steve and he just sinks down into the seat, making me laugh. The weather is actually quite cold, I'm actually shivering.

Cas smiles a sad smile towards me and asks "You sure you can do this?"

I take a deep breath in and say "Yeah, let's go"

I know it's just a tombstone and that her remains aren't actually here, but it's the closest thing I have to her. I replace the flowers for some new ones and sigh. I wish she was here.

Cas nudges me in the arm "You should say something"

"Yeah I know, I just..." I'm on the verge of tears. Come on, you can do this.

"Hi, mum. Uhm, I know it's been a while but better now than never" I look down to the ground and laughs. I'm pretty sure I'm crying so I return my eyes to the sky. "It's been over 33 years now, so I'm technically older than you. Things didn't really turn out the way I thought they would. I know you didn't want this life for us but I thought I just might fill you in. Sam kinda released Lillith and started the apocalypse, I went to hell, I met Cas that was an angel back then, we got chosen as Lucifers and Michael's' vessels, met our step-brother, Adam that became Michael's vessel instead of me so Sam got possessed by Lucifer and Adam by Michael, Sam locked in them both by taking both him and Adam down into the cage in hell, Cas brought Sam back but not his soul, so he was soulless and met your dad, they did some pretty stupid shit together, then Sam got his soul back, we met the king of hell who actually isn't too bad, I got the Mark of Cain which was really bad, I became a demon, then Sam and Cas brought me back, God's sister came when I got rid of it, she's known as the Darkness or Amara, we met God who's also the author of the books about us, we almost defeated her but then God was going to die so the world was ending, so I became a bomb to kill Amara but then she and God made peace, but because of that the demons and angels started fighting in Midgard, which is located over you, Cas became a human and all the supernatural things are pretty inactive at the moment so we have a bunch of time to kill, so now I'm together with Cas. I hope you don't mind" At this point, I'm sure I'm crying.

Cas places his hands on my shoulders. I turn around to hug him and I just cry. I don't want her to be dead. I let go of Cas and he walks over to the grave.

"Hello Mrs Winchester, I haven't actually met you, but from what I've heard you seem like a very kind person. Dean has shown me photographs of you and you seem to be very beautiful as well. And I must say you did a very good job on your son. I hope you're having a good time up there. I miss it, but I assume you're keeping up the work while I'm gone, correct?"

I have never respected Cas as much as I'm doing at this moment. He stands up again and stands next to me.

"I miss you, mum."

We start our ride back in complete silence. I don't even play music. The tears have dried into my face and I know I look like a mess. Cas doesn't seem to mind.

"Are you okay, Dean?" He asks me.

I sigh in attempts not to cry again "Not one bit" I say with red eyes "But I can get through it"

"I'm here if you want anything"

I look at him, thinking about how much he means to me and what I would do without him, but again, I won't tell "Thanks, Cas" I say and smile at him. I'm pretty sure I'm crying again.