As you lay down - Destiel

You - 8

I don't know why I just so decided to break up with Annabeth, I want to say that it only was because I don't want to her hurt, but that doesn't feel like the entire truth. But Cas arguments were very valid and I really do not want to hurt her. It's probably for the best anyways. A hunters life can't really be that romantic. My parents did succeed for a little but then that went down the drain so to say.  I still haven't gone to her grave. I will. I promised Sammy, but there have just been so many things going on recently that I haven't had the time to do so. Cas is still asleep. He only has to be here for one day, then he can come home. I know he doesn't like it here and neither do I. I sit down in the chair beside his bed again. 

He looks so peaceful when he's asleep. I wonder if I look peaceful when I'm asleep? Probably not, I get too many nightmares. Are they still nightmares if you're used to them? I hate when I have to wake people up, especially Sammy or Cas. Because they don't have to be here when they are asleep. This world doesn't exist for them. I don't want to ruin that. But just as I think so Cas wakes up. He's panting. 

He probably had some sort of nightmare "You okay?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath "Yeah, just a nightmare, don't worry about it" 

I give him a reassuring smile "Well, you only have to be here for another day" Cas smiles back at me. I start tapping with my fingers on the table, the rhythm for Für Elise. I learned that a very long time ago but it's still in my head. I have thought more about my tapping and counting, I think I do it when I get nervous. Which is something that I haven't been in a long time but a couple weeks ago I started feeling more and more nervous and the tapping became more frequent, even though I have been tapping for years?

"Have you done it yet?" Cas says, again pulling me out from my thoughts. 

"Done what?" I look at him confused. 

"Annabeth? Remember? 

"Oh yeah" I scratch my neck "Not yet, I will, though" I don't want to hurt her but not saying anything would probably just hurt her even more. 

"I say that you should just get it over with as soon as possible, for both her and your sake as she's quite obviously in love with you. Considering the number of text messages you've gotten from her" 

I fumble with my phone a little "Should I, really?"

"Yes. You should." 

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Dean goes over to the window to speak with Annabeth. I don't her much of her side of it but Dean trying to explain that they never actually a thing. Annabeth obviously did not seem to see it the same way as you could hear that she was  yelling, at times Dean actually had to take the phone away from his ear. Then it goes quiet, well not completely but she's lowered her tone. I can't hear what she says but Dean replies "It takes a bit more than you" and after that, she hung up on him. 

"So how did it go?" I ask, genuinely concerned. 

Dean sits down "Good, well, apart from the fact that she told me she hates me and that she never wants to see me again. Oh, and also she told me that I am worse than Satan himself"

I smile "Lucifer was nice for a while, I'll admit that" earning a laughter from Dean. "But are you okay, Dean?" 

"Well I am Dean Winchester, I'll always be okay"

My head hurts. I'm not sure if I actually helped Dean or acted out of pure selfishness. I didn't mean to be selfish, I care for Annabeth. Even though I never met her, I don't want anybody else's heart to be broken by Dean Winchester. Because I know what that feels like, in every way possible. I don't want anybody else's bones to ache. 

"You do know you did the right thing?" I ask him. 

Dean looks down on the floor and takes a deep breath "Yeah, I guess. It would've only been worse for her if I didn't say anything. Maybe I'll never be in a relationship" Dean laughs that sad laughter that people do when they are trying to make a bad situation into a good one. It's heart-breaking to hear. 

"Don't say that, maybe you'll meet a hunter and you go on romantic hunting trips together?" I say, at this point, I just want to make Dean laugh. 

And it pays off as Dean actually starts laughing a little "Yeah because chopping a vampire's head off is so very romantic" 

I smile "Hey everybody has got their thing" and I know very well that Dean is my thing. He probably has been since the day I started watching him. I don't know what it is about him but he was always special. And not in the way the other angels saw him, being Micheal's vessel and all. But him as a person, he stood out from the other humans. His priorities never seized to amaze me. He would put every person in front of his own life, I'm not saying that I agree with it, but not many people do that.

Dean looks up at me "Yeah I suppose that they do" He then proceeds to look up at the ceiling. I don't think he will ever call me his thing. But I still wish for it. So much that it hurts. I know that it's a life I'll never be able to have because Dean doesn't love me in that way. I'll still be okay, I've been all these years. But I'm still admiring him, even if I'm far away. And I don't think that I'll ever stop doing so.