The Story Of Another Us - L.H

CH.14

Jillienne's POV

I stepped into the room I thought I would never set foot ever again, but here I am. For the past month I've been coming to this place for almost twice a week, secretly. I didn't want anyone to know that I've been going to see my therapist again, they didn't have to know.

"So how are you doing?"

"Jillienne? Are you with me, dear?"

I looked at her and nodded with a pursed lips.

"How are you doing?" She asked with a smile.

I mentally rolled my eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I do not hate my therapist, in fact I like her. She listens but it sucks how the act like they care but they're just doing what they were paid to do. What do we know? Maybe they don't even want to listen to all the shit that goes in our heads.

"I'm doing better." I told her.

"That's good to hear." She proceeded to write on her paper. "How about an update about the routine we talked about last time?"

When I came to see her last week she had told how I should get in a routine; find things I can do to keep me busy and avoid having my mind wander around. That's what I did, I got another job at a store and it's a night shift, it's better than having things inside my head at night when I can't sleep.

"It has been helping me clear my head." I told her truthfully and she nodded her head.

"How about your medication?"

I looked down on my lap where my fingers played. "I'm still taking them."

"So how are you really doing?" She pushed. "How are you feeling, Jillienne?"

I bit my lower lip.
"Alone, helpless, sad and empty." I mumbled.

"Do you feel them when you're keeping yourself busy with your new routine?"

I shook my head, turning to look at her. "I told you, they're helping me not to think about- " I paused. "Things. Working helps me clear my head."

She nodded her head and wrote on her paper. "Can you tell me that you're doing better than a month ago?"

"I don't know. " I pursed my lips.

"Tell me more about that friend you mentioned last week."

"Luke." I mumbled. "I tell him everything, he's been like my therapist for the past few years, he's a very good listener." I smiled to myself.

"He sounds like a good friend then." She commented and I nodded my head.

"He was the one that kept me together."

"Do you still talk?"

I shook my head.

"Why?"

I stayed quiet. "Can we continue on the next meeting, please?" I asked, my eyes wandering around the room but careful not to meet hers.

"Of course."

"Thank you, Margaret." I stood up and turned around to walk out.

"Happy new year, Jillienne. May your 2013 be a good one."

"Happy new year. " I greeted her back with the smile. "I wish you a good one too, Margaret."

I don't see the importance of every holidays anymore. Everyday is the same, so is every year. Being me, there was nothing to look forward to this year, just like the past years. I still remain stagnant.

I headed straight home and sat on the couch, turning on the television to watch whatever was on. I felt my phone vibrate from my front pocket. I took it out and answered the call with my eyes still glued on the television.

"Hellooooo" I dragged on thinking it was Aika.

"Mae?"

I pursed my lips.

"Mae."

He took a deep breath.
"Jesus, Can you please speak?"

I gulped. "Why?"

"Hey," He mumbled. "How are you doing?"

Was doing just fine avoiding you.

"Fine."
The only word that came out of my mouth. I had so much to tell him but none of it mattered, I wanted te conversation over as soon as possible, like I was in a hurry to get out before I get tangled up and trapped again.

"I need you in my life." He said, his words almost coming out a whisper. "Stop doing this."

Just like that, the walls I had built around my heart came crashing down, chains unlocked and bars melted. Why does he always know what's running inside my head?

Why do you do this, Luke?

"Why can't you just let me be?"

"I can't." He said, his voice shaking. "Please, stay."

I was too attached to him and I knew I needed to take a step back and I was doing just fine, I was almost there. Why did he have to shake me up again?

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Y u do dis hemmings

-jayexoxo