How to be a heartbreaker

Part 1: Chapter 1. The Beginning.

I saw the love of my life in June of 2013, granted he had no idea who I was, and probably won't ever know -- but a fan girl can dream.

My soulmate happens to go by the name of Niall Horan. He also happens to be 1/4 of the biggest boyband in the world.

I've spent the last 6 years dedicating my life to a boyband who has no idea who I am. Currently while writing this I'm listening to them. One Direction is my safe haven. My A1 since Day 1 or something like that.

What I'm telling you plays a major part in this story, so please if you care at all, listen up.

Niall Horan is honestly my whole entire fucking world. His dyed blonde hair makes me melt. On July 23rd 2015, I got my favorite solo of his tattooed on my body.

Permanently.

That's how dedicated I am to the blonde haired goofball that I love so entirely much.

We all know how we feel when we're in love. Your eyes sparkle, you think about them all the time, you even get emotional seeing pictures of them. Yeah. That's how I am with Niall Horan.

Not to be cliche, but honestly no one compares to him. Or so I thought.

In October of 2013, my best friend decided he wanted to change that title.

After 4 months of an unbelievable bond and friendship, he became my boyfriend.

We cried, we laughed, we fought and we cared.

But most of all we loved.

My relationship with Joseph lasted for over two years. For a very long time, I knew he was the person I was going to marry.

Then out of nowhere, something changed.

There wasn't love anymore, we were at each other's throats most of the time. I cried so many times when we were together that I started wondering why.

I wasn't in love with him. I knew that.

He was my almost Niall Horan.

The almost should've been my red flag automatically. I caught on to the emotional abuse and decided I didn't want to be with him.

I didn't love him.

I didn't want him.

He wasn't for me.

In February of 2016, I lost both my best friend and boyfriend within two weeks of each other. I honestly can say I handled loosing Joseph better than my best friend.

I hated Joseph, in all honesty I despised him.

But now, writing this, I want him to be happy. If I hate him, he's winning. And on my opinion he lost a damn good girl.

During my time being single, I've been a little crazy. My count quickly started rising and my standards quickly got lowered.

I'm human, I'm a hormonal 20 year old. I make mistakes.

_____

You can do this Kayla. Jesus. Writing this down sucks. I hate reliving my breakup with my ex.

It was a bad time for me.

If any of you want to know the tattoo I got...

On my forearm I have the lyrics "If I'm louder would you see me"

No regrets.

No shame.

Next part will be up soon 🌪