How to be a heartbreaker

Part 2 Chapter 7

He was supposed to meet my family the next day.

He was supposed to meet my best friend.

He was supposed to love me.

I still just don't understand what I did wrong.

This time I knew it was for good.

This time I knew I was going to forever be heartbroken by the soldier that trampled on my heart.

This time I knew he wasn't mine to have forever.

This time I was utterly fucking heartbroken.

I broke down once and texted him on my sisters phone. I honestly just wanted closure.

I wanted to know why he did what he did to me.

Why the fuck he lead me on for so long.

I didn't cry though. Why be weak like that?

I will admit though, writing this I did cry.

I was stupid the first time for taking him back.

I want him to know how much I can't hate him.

I want him to know how fucking hard it is for me to move on from him.

I want him to know that he's still my screensaver.

I want him to know I still Love him so goddamned much.

I want him to know that I wanted him to be my forever.

I want him to know how much he fucking hurt me.

I want him to know that I can't ever love someone the way I love him.

Why does this happen?

I got this line from my favorite movie...

"Why does bad things happen to good people?

We accept the love we think we deserve."

It's so FUCKING true.

Why would someone lie about loving someone?

Why would someone lie about feeling the way he felt for me?

I want to so badly to be over him. I want to so badly forget the feeling I have for him. I want to so badly to forget him.

To Tyler, to the last text I sent to you.

FUCK YOU.

"Jonathan Tyler Raines,

I'm sending you this knowing damn well that it's not going to go through. I'm sending you this to get the pent up hatred towards you out. I'm sending you this because I'm fucking crazy in love with you, yes still. I don't know how I can still manage to say I love you, even after you disappeared -- twice, with no fucking explanation. I told you the last time that you were just like Evan, but I've decided. I've decided you're fucking worse than Evan. I don't know how it's possible, but it is. I had so many plans with you. We talked about a wedding, kids and FUCKING MOVING TO HAWAII. What happened to all that? Was I just another girl for you to fuck? Was I just another idiot girl for you to lead on? Was I just another girl for you to hurt? My answer to all those questions is yes. I can't hate you, god I can't fucking hate you. You know why? Because I love you. It's as simple as that. You're still my screensaver, I'm still sending this message to "Prince Ty 🙈", I still think about you every goddamned day. I CANT MOVE ON FROM YOU. Eventually I will. Eventually I won't love you as much. Eventually I won't dislike you as much.  Eventually I will be better. I won't think about you, I won't cry because of you and I won't fucking stop and wonder what the FUCK happened when I see a picture of you somewhere. This is my goodbye, even though I know you can't read it. My only thing is.. why? Why the fuck would you lead someone on like you did me? Why would you tell me you loved me, even though you didn't? Why? Why? Why?"

____
Dang okay. I got it.

-Kayla