How to be a heartbreaker

Part 1: 4. The aftermath.

Two weeks went by.

Two weeks of nothing.

I was HEARTBROKEN.

I honestly don't even know if that was the word to use. I honestly still don't think that's the word.

I.

Was.

BROKEN.

The love of my life just slipped through my fingertips. How do you come back from something like this? I tried and I tried so hard. Everywhere I went, every fucking song that played made me think of him.

It hurt a lot.

I tried so hard to get over the fact that he wasn't there. My coworkers asked about him. The smile would disappear off my face when his name was mentioned. Eventually they stopped. I mean who wants to ask the 20 year old about a boy that doesn't love her back?

I tried moving on, I tried so damn hard. There was Kevin, there was Michael, hell there was even Jordan.

Up until Evan, Jordan was the only one I had my heart set on. I compared every guy to him.

Except Evan.

This time, I was comparing Jordan to Evan.

The way he kissed me just wasn't the same. His lips weren't full. His mouth didn't taste the same. His hands didn't roam the same way. His reaction to me wasn't the same.

I was so utterly and hopelessly in love with Evan White.

No one compares to the way I felt for him. I cut the boys off, all of them. Why lead someone on when I can't put my effort forward? I hurt people, just like Evan was hurting me. Such a shame he didn't even realize it.

I started doing okay.

Only certain songs reminded me of him.

Only certain places reminded me of him.

I still wanted him, I still loved him, but I was okay.

Two weeks of this went by. I was doing good at this point. It had been two weeks since the love of my life vanished.

Two weeks of nothing.

NOTHING.

Randomly out of nowhere.

Snapchat from Evan ❤️.

What. The. Fuck.

Is this my Evan? The boy that I so desperately fucking loved?

I had to replay the snapchat just to be sure that it was.

There he was.

Still beautiful as ever and sporting a fucking kissy face.

The picture was captioned with a simple "hey". I had two weeks of pure torture and this was what I had been graced with? No.

Fuck no.

I. WAS. PISSED.

Who gave him the right? I still fucking loved him. My heart was POUNDING with a million and one different emotions.

He claimed he was sorry.

He claimed he got scared.

He claimed he wanted me.

He claimed he wasn't a one night stand type of guy, just that he wasn't ready for a relationship.

I let him come back. I gladly let him come back.

We talked, just like before. My heart still ached for him. My heart still wanted him. My mind still had his name stuck in it.

Everything was normal again.

I had him back.

______

Shoot.

Yeah this ones been the hardest of them all.

It's the most real for me. 🌪