How to be a heartbreaker

Part 1: Chapter 7. The Realization.

I honestly can't do this back and forth with him. God I love him. I love him so much, but if this is how it's gonna be, then I don't want it at all.

Day one of no talking. It sucks, but I'll make it. Third times the charm right? Yeah.

We made it a few weeks talking on and off. I hated the uncertainty between the two of us.

I began seeing other people. A few of them gave me butterflies. I didn't think of Evan when I kissed them.

Somehow though it was like Evan KNEW.

Like he knew I was with someone. His name would always appear on my phone when I was trying to move forward.

The time came when I saw him again. I still loved him, my heart still pounded around him.

But it was just emotional for me. The physical spark was no longer there.

SOMETHING WAS MISSING.

Maybe it was because this time I knew. This time I understood what was happening. No it still wasn't just sex for me, but I didn't have the same connection from the last two times.

He was different. There was no emotion. No passion from him.

It was just sex.

After months of pawning over his beautiful soul and the feeling I had around him, I somehow knew this was going to be the last time between us.

I told myself that. It was only a friendship after this.

He kissed me bye. Hell he even hugged me bye. Said he would see me again.

Funny thing is though?

I don't want to see him again. At least not in that way.

I'm too emotionally vulnerable for that type of thing.

IM NOT EMOTIONALLY READY FOR THAT.

But it's okay.

After our third time, I continued to tell myself I didn't want to see him.

He wasn't the same. There was something missing.

We talked still, I obviously still loved him. He was still the guy that stole my heart.

I'd hide my smile when he texted me. Try to act like I wasn't excited to see his name pop up on my snapchat.

Somehow though, I still managed to tell myself I wasn't going to see him again.

I lied.

I'm still fucking in love with him.

He wanted to see me, again for the fourth time, I was slightly unsure.

I.

Denied.

Him.

That's a first. I didn't expect to do that.

Granted I was on my period, but I still told him no.

Somethings different this time.

Evan never went with the petnames for me.

I was just Kayla to him.

Tonight though, 8/30/16, he acted different.

He wanted to see me again. I clarified that it was just hitting and quitting. I was actually okay with that. If he could be selfish, so could I damn it.

I told him I was okay with being a bootycall. Basically he was mine too.

He said that's what we could be for now.

Said that we were working on something more.

He continued to call me babe. This isn't like him.

Somethings happened.

Is my Evan changing and realizing he wants to be with me?

Will it happen?

I saw him tonight. He still called me those silly petnames in person. He said we didn't have to do things that made me uncomfortable.

I still love him.

I'm still hopelessly in love.

I'm okay.

He's okay.

We're okay.

_____

So for now..

Ill update as things happen. Tonight, 9/6/16, I saw him again. But I'm of course not ruining that for you. That will be up with the next chapter once I have enough to put up.

He's my little whirlwind. 🌪