How to be a heartbreaker

Part 1: Chapter 5. Our Reunion ends.

He wanted to see me. Of course I wanted to see him. So I did.

The 15 minute drive to his house felt like it took ages. I was there though. I could see his beautiful face peeking out the door, patiently waiting for me to get out of the car.

Ironically, it was raining again.

I walked inside to see him. To connect my eyes to his once again. I hadn't even put my stuff down yet. I was too mesmerized to do that.

His hand were instantly wrapped around my waist in a wonderful hug that lasted so long. His words were whispered in my ears saying how glad he was that I was back.

His lips covered my face in kisses.

My lips, my nose, my cheeks, and my forehead.

He was momentarily mine.

I didn't even care that he's two inches shorter than me. I still don't. He is mine and I'm there with him.

We cuddled, a lot. It was nice having my whole world back. I was complete again. But I knew this time. I was just a toy to him. A 20 year old vulnerable girl that was so desperately in love with him.

He didn't know my feelings.

I just got him back, I didn't want to loose him again.

Our kisses we shared will never be forgotten.

I won't ever forget the way it felt to have his crystal blue eyes stare into my brown ones.

I won't ever forget how it felt to have his arms wrapped around me, to have his hand holding mine.

To have his fucking lips on mine.

To hear his beautiful voice talk to me.

To hear my name roll off of his full lips.

I was so desperate for him to love me back. Writing this now, I know I should be crying and it's hard not to, but I'm more angry. He didn't love me.

He doesn't love me.

So why does he keep coming back?

Another two weeks goes by after that second wonderful night we had. A month goes by this time. I was trying so hard to get over him. I was doing better. I only thought about him a handful of times a day.

Not from sun up until sundown.

We texted shortly after our second time meeting.

We ended things.

I didn't want this to happen. I wanted him to tell me he loved me. Not the opposite. I didn't let him know. Maybe that's where I went wrong? I was desperately wanting his attention that I lost him so quickly.

My heart hurt.

My mind hurt.

I wanted him.

I still fucking want him.

I went to his job hoping I could say the code word to my best friend just so she could see this beautiful person in real life. So someone could see my eyes light up when i saw him.

PASTA. Pasta. Pasta.

He wasn't there. My disappointment probably showed. My relief probably showed.

Pasta. Pasta. Pasta.

After about a month, I was trying.

I woke up and checked my phone like I do every morning. It's been a good month since the last time I heard from that beautiful soul.

Snapchat from Evan.

Bullshit.

_____

I know what y'all are thinking. I'm obviously an idiot.

He's obviously using me.

I UNDERSTAND THIS.

I know what he's doing.

But I don't care.

He's my air. 🌪