"I won't leave"

Chapter 4

I told my year coordinator that it was nothing it was just a stupid friend of mine that doesn't want to be friends with me anymore and she said that he'll come around and realize I was in the good. But what if he doesn't? What if he wants nothing to do with me? Its like all the years that we have been friends means nothing to him. i was his BEST FRIEND. I was the one there for him on first day, the one that i always got into trouble with. Doesn't he realize i need him my life as much as he wants flick. He knows all my secrets and needs he can't just promise me shit and then leave, its just not fair. To me or my feelings. It's been a day and Flick and Gray have already gotten back together. I can't believe this i cant feel my heart i don't even know if i'm living right now i feel emotionless and like a statue stuck in the past. I instantly grab my book and start writing. I write down all my emotions and everything i want Gray to know. 'I won't leave' Don't push all your friends away for pain they didn't cause. Don't forget about your friends because you'd rather spend time with your girlfriend. Because who was there for you since day one? That's right ME! Not her but me. I was the one you'd play with at recess and lunch i was the one that was always there for you. II was the one that was there for you when you were down. But why do you believe her over me, when you've meet her how many times? Oh that's right you've met once. You've known me all these years yet you don't stick up for me. You lied to me day by day but my favorite is 'I wont leave'. I trusted you with everything. I even told you about my saddest stories, and you promised you wouldn't put me in this pain. You said you were always there for me. I stand up for you and i'm the one in the wrong? Now all we are is strangers with memories all because of one girl and one gullible boy. But hwy if i was you i'd pick her too, because i would be sick of my problems. But to be honest i'm sorry. I'm sorry we spoke again because for once i don't feel bad for you i'm not the one to blame. I STOOD UP FOR YOU. Yeah ill miss you like hell but ill get over it because i want fall for 'i wont leave' ever again'  I look at what i have just written and how all my emotion has just come through ink and been written down on paper. When the bell rings i quickly shove it under my arm and walk to my locker. On my out of the hallway the wind makes me drop my books. I recover quickly grab my book and run to my locker not realizing i've lost my note.

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When recess came I couldn't sit with my normal group I had to sit with Elena Emily Melissa Amber and caitlyn because they already knew what happened and they knew how to not make things worse. When I went and sat down Caitlyn was on the phone to Nathan when she put me on the phone and told me to explain what happened with flick. Because Nathan is flicks ex Nathan loved her so much when they broke up he even wrote her a letter but all she did was walk around school saying 'ITS STILL GOING' and then she went home and burnt it. So it felt pretty good to get things of my chest with someone that knows how it feels to be betrayed and it's when the bell rings I've realized how long I've been talking to him for. The rest of the day went as normal. My friends think I'm fine I get my work done and stay out of trouble because I'm supposed to be on a good behavior bond and I think that's for prisoners. Ever since flick and i have been fighting i've been getting into more trouble for standing up for myself.  I say my goodbyes and get on my bus when I see him again. We talk very little today but I think it will get better seeing as my friend goes to his school and she is also friends with him. I watch him intrigued in his conversation with his friends and his beautiful smile appears. But what I have realized is one day we both got off at our parents work(him catching my regular bus) , and ever since then he has started to catch my regular bus. I don't know why but there has to be a reason. Maybe because a lot of girls catch this bus. The first day he caught my bus and I spoke to him he said who are you and I had to explain our parents working together, but now today we talked about people we knew that went to his school and went to my school. Another time I was 2 seats behind him and I was staring at him and when the person that was in front of me got off bus I was hoping he'd sit there to be closer to me but no a tall giraffe comes and sits there blocking my view of him and let me tell you I wasn't happy. When he gets off the bus I watch him walk away and return to my music because when I'm with him I'm not so dull.