The Deal (Billdip Fanfic)

Chapter XIX: Appearances Can Be Deceiving.

The door of the office opened, but Bill noticed only after he heard his name being called. He snapped out of his thoughts and his eyes locked with Dipper's for a second before Bill moved his gaze from the brunette. "Darling?" Dipper said in a voice just above a whisper. "Yes?" Bill said and Dipper took a step further. "I wanted to apologise for leaving completely out of the blue." Dipper said calmly, as if it was nothing. "I bet that's exactly what you wanted. And let me guess? You also have a very convenient story that'll make it look like it was maybe a mere accident that you forgot to give me heads-up that you're leaving. And then I'll obviously forgive you and everything will be fine." Bill said with venom in his voice. "Bill..." Dipper began but Bill cut him off: "No." Dipper got pinned against the nearest wall by an invisible force and he looked down at his feet and then back at the demon, after his shock wore off. "Bill, darling, listen..."
"No. I don't want to listen to your explanation. I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear. I don't want to forgive you. And I won't." Bill said coldly and Dipper nodded and even if the demon wasn't looking at him he kmew that Bill saw him. Bill was about to say something when the door opened and Dipper saw Bill's servants enter the office. But he wasn't paying attention to them. He was looking at what they were dragging with them: Mabel. He could barely see her face but he could tell it was bloody. There were several cuts on her clothes and she was still bleeding out. "Let her go!" Bill said and that snpped Dipper out of his thoughts. The other demons left the two alone once again and Dipper knew what was coming now won't be good.
"Where were we?" Bill asked with a smile as he looked at Dipper, and Dipper knew that smile too well. That smile has been the last thing so many people saw it and that made Dipper's stomach curl. "I think we were at the part where I apologise, you accept my apology and then we go home and we pretend nothing happened, and if you can't stop thinking about this...I'll gladly help take your mind off it." Dipper said fastly and Bill glared at Dipper fpr a second before laughing shortly. "No, darling, we were at the part where you apologise and then I kill you. But how about we skip right to the part where I kill you?" The demon finished with venom in his voice, a smile still on his face. "How about not?" Dipper cried, trying to make himself look and sound calm, but failing. "Fine." Bill sighed and then he sat in the nearest armchair as he continued: "You can explain your point of you." Dipper got thrown on the floor and he took a deep breath after he stood up. He looked straight on the demon's eyes and gathered his courage before saying: "I know how this works. You let me talk for a certain amount of time and then doesn't matter what I say you kill me. So, how much time do I have left?"
"One minute." Bill said and Dipper gasped. Now he really was scared. Things didn't go as planned and he didn't have a plan B. "I...I...uhhm...I didn't want to leave, ok? At all. Really. Mabel tricked me into leaving with her. I was just happy that I was seeing my sister again and despite how angry at me she was I never thought she would do that to me. At all. How could I? She is my sister. Turns out I was wrong. And I would've totally told you earlier, but I forgot the summoning spell and since I thought that you obviously didn't give a shit about how much I sleep or if I do sleep at all, I decided to just wait for you to show up." Dipper said faslty whild counting down the seconds in his head. He closed his eyes after he finished, but nothing happened. He peaked at the sight in front of him and Bill was pinching the bridge of his nose.
"My minute is up." Dipper whispered and as soon as he finished the sentence he regreted it. He closed back his eyes when he saw Bill standing up. Bill cupped Dipper's face with his hands and said softly: "Is ok. I won't do anything besides kissing you." Dipper opened his eyes only to meet Bill's gold eye and his other which had no iris or pupil. "So you're not mad at me?" Dipper asked and Bill sighed. "How could I be? I love you too much to be mad at you, let alone hurt you." "Aren't you just the sweetest?" Dipper said with a smirk and he stood on his tip toes and kissed Bill's cheek. Bill smiled and muttered something about him being a demon who lost count of how many people he murdered in cold blood, but Dipper paid it no mind as he hugged Bill, who higged him back right away. "I missed you so so much!" Bill whispered and Dipper smiled and rubbed Bill's back. "I missed you too." He responded and the two hugged in silence until Bill pulled away. He looked in Dipper's eyes, but only for a brief second before turning his head. He took a deep breath and started rubbing the back of his neck as he said: "Can I ask you something?" "Sure, anything." Dipper said truthfully, worried for his boyfriend who acted out of character.
"How...how would you describe your panic attacks?" Bill asked faslty. Dipper just looked at his boyfriend for a seconds, as he processed the question in his head and formed an appropriate answer. "I'm sorry for asking. If you don't feel comfortable saying that you don't have to..." Bill said and Dipper smiled reassuringly at Bill as he said: "No, it's alright. First off, not all of my panic attacks are exactly the same and secondly, you can always ask me anything. Now, usually my panic attacks starts with me panicking and then air gets stuck in my throat as the feeling of panic grows bigger. Obviously I can't breath, which freaks me out and panics me even more. And sometimes it even psychically pains me to even try to breath, but not all the time. Then come the things generated by my lack of air like not being able to focus my vision on anything and just my vision being generally blurry, hearing everything as if it comes from very far away and colors splashing before my eyes. And during all this I'm panicking and I'm completely terrified, or at least that's the best way to put it since I can't exactly pinpoint the feeling, but I think you got the idea. The basic idea is that all that is going on and I'm panicking like crazy and I can't do anything about it. And that's very scary." Dipper said, unbaffled by Bill's expression, which was just heartbreaking. "Damn, Pinetree, you're really cool if you can go through that and then act like nothing happened." He said and Dipper waved a hand dismissively as he said: "Don't worry about it. I...I got used to it, sorta. I mean I got used to it and I didn't at the same time. Panic attacks are kind of paradoxal in my opinion." He ended as he took Bill's hand into his own.
"But why do you want to know?" He asked Bill, who avoided Dipper's gaze. "Because I thought I had a panic attack and I wanted to make sure I was right. And I was indeed right." Bill more whispered than said. "Oh my! Are you alright? How did it happen? Were you alone? Please tell me you weren't alone!" Dipper said as he started as he started walking around the room while gesturing alarmed with his arms. "Hey, Pinetree, calm down. I'm fine." Bill said as he put his hands on Dipper's shoulder. Dipper stopped in his tracks and turned his head to looked at the demon, who smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm sorry I reacted that way, really I..." "No," Bill cut him off, "don't apologise. I would've reacted the same way if the situation was the other way around. You're worried for me and that is actually very sweet. Now let's sit down and I'll answer your questions." Bill finished while still smiling at Dipper, who returned the smile and nodded in agreement. Bill grabbed Dipper's arm and pulled Dipper down as he sat down on the floor. Dipper sat down next to Bill and asked the demon: "Why are we sitting on the floor?" "Because it's the most comfortable place in the whole building." Bill said with a shurg which earned him a chuckle from Dipper. And that chuckle made Bill's heart jump in his chest and he smiled, a genuine smile.
"So, how did it happen? What caused it?" Dipper asked Bill, who forgot what they were talking about, distracted by his boyfriend's sheer perfection. "Uhm...I was heartbroken and since I am not used with emotions, such an intense emotion made me lose control of my powers and when that happens my powers just shut off. But sadly, that happened when everything was a mess and I was just gonna start cleaning up. And that's when I started panicking. I managed to leave the house and calm myself down. And then I cried. It was an interesting experience, a very strange one, which I didn't enjoy at all, but interesting nonetheless." The demon said after remembering what the two were talking about. Dipper pulled the blonde in a bear hug and the demon stood still for a few seconds, surprised by the brunette's reaction, before hugging Dipper back. The brunette pulled away shortly after and started to calmly undo the buttons of Bill's shirt. "Uhm...Pinetree...I don't know a lot about how conforting someone works but I think this situation calls for hugs not sex, not that I have a problem with what your doing." Bill said and Dipper rolled his eyes amd said: "Well if that's what you think, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm not hugging nor having sex with you." "Then what are you doing?" Bill asked perplexed as Dipper took off Bill's shirt. "What happened? Don't you trust me?" Dipper asked with a pout and Bill just looked at the brunette, unsure what to say.
He did trust Dipper, the problem isn't that he didn't, the problem is that he didn't trust Dipper wholeheartedly. If he was fully honest he never trusted anyone wholeheartedly, or frankly, he never trusted anyone at all. That was one of the things that he learned from a very young ago: Don't trust anyone. They'll break your trust. "I trust you, of course I do. You're my boyfriend, how couldn't I trust you?" He said after a few seconds which felt like an eternity to him. Even tho he wasn't actually lying he was still feeling horrible for leaving out to what degree he was trusting Dipper. Dipper wrapped his arms around Bill's waist and pulled the blonde closer to him. "Then just relax for a second." Dipper said as he kissed Bill's cheek. Bill nodded and closed his eyes, allowing his boyfriend to do what he had in mind. He was too preoccupied to question Dipper furthermore. Inside of his head there was a battle between the heart and the mind. A war between love and ration. And he was right in the middle of it.

*

For a moment there was quiet inside Bill's head. He knew that it wasn't over and that he'll need to deal with the quilt of lying to his boyfriend. Of course, his current situation wasn't helping him justify his own actions in front of himself, but he enjoyed it too much to care. "Darling?" Dipper said as he planted a small kiss on Bill's neck. "Yes?" Bill said, shaken out of his thoughts. "Is there something bothering you?" "No, why are you asking?" Bill asked, growing worried that he was visibly displaying his overwhelming feeling of quilt. "Oh, it's just you seem to be very deep into your thoughts and you don't seem to like what you're thinking about. It's more of a feeling I have and I just wanted to make sure you're fine. But I'm sure you'd tell me if something was bothering you so I'm not worried." Dipper said and Bill turned on his back so he could look at Dipper. "Of course I'd tell you if something was wrong. And babe, how can you ever think that sometimes could ever be wrong when I'm being spoiled like this by my wonderful boyfriend whom I love very much?" Bill said with a smile and Dipper blushed as he mutter an 'oh, you're just too much." Bill admired his flustered boyfriend with a big grin on his face and then he softly kissed Dipper, who, after getting over the initial shock, had no objections about the demon's action.
"I love you too. So so much." Dipper said after they parted their lips and they pressed their foreheads against eachother. "Now lay back down. I'm not done with you." Dipper said with a smirk and Bill giggled as he laid back down on his stomach. "Is that so? Because I think you already kissed every inch of my back, neck and shoulders." Bill said with one of his eyebrows raised at the brunette. "No, no, I'm pretty sure that's not true and also who said anything about kisses?" Dipper asked, still smirking. "Oh, it's getting kinky, huh? Well, I like it." Bill said with a grin before both of them started laughing.

Author note
Oh well, finally finished typing in this chapter. And I have to write one more chapter and then I finished this fic. But then I'll have to. Type. The. Chapters. In. I'm gonna go in a corner and cry now thanks to that thought.
But on a more serious note I cut like 2 pages of Bill's internal monologue here because it was not necessary. It was from the intern monologue he had after Dipper asked him if he trusted him. What I cut wasn't necessary there as much as I liked how it turned out.
Anyway, see ya next week.