alexandra mellet
I woke up, my head was on grayson's chest and his arms were wrapped around my body. he was warm, his skin was heated against mine.
I peeled my body off of his, I put my hair in a bun and putting grayson's shirt on, along with my underwear. considering I lost ethan's, the one I wore before last night happened.
I unzipped the tent and sat out by the fire which was still going, it is around five. I can tell by the sky colour, I honestly don't know where my phone is.
last time I saw it it was on this seat and grayson and I were dancing to high school musical music. I just sat staring at the dying fire, thinking about ethan.
last night wasn't even on my mind, grayson and I fucked. I didn't think it through enough, but i'm unable to change that now.
I snapped out my thoughts when grayson walked up behind me. he was shirtless and we just had an awkward eye contact, "morning." he smiled, "cute shirt by the way."
"morning and thank you, I know." I laughed.
"want cereal?" he asked.
"yeah sure." I nodded.
"that was my first."
"what."
"you were my first." he said, "wasn't I yours?"
"yeah, you were."
I could tell he didn't feel great about what happened, we were both feeling... guilty. "are you going to tell ethan?" he asked.
"totally, hey ethan I missed you, but I fucked grayson so all is good." I joked, it's not the time for fucking jokes. "i'll tell him, eventually."
"together?"
"if you want to, i'm fine to do it myself."
"well, you have a few um." he point to his neck, indicating that he'd given my hickeys.
"yeah, so do you."
-
I sat in grayson's car, waiting for him to quickly pee before we left to home from our little camp.
grayson opened his door, getting in, "ready?" he smiled.
"mhm." I nodded and he began driving. I looked on the horizon, I am a complete mess right now.
-
we pulled into our street and my heart started to ache, we pulled into the dolan's driveway. I saw ethan peeping out his window, his face lit up when he saw us. I got out the car and the front door swung open, ethan ran out and hugged me so tightly. I hugged him back equally as tight, it felt so right, yet so wrong.
he pulled away and kissed me, I pulled awa quickly. "I need to unpack." I said, walking to the back seat to grab my bags, but ethan stopped me.
"it can wait, I have something to show you!" he smiled, he rarely smiles with his teeth. I gave in and grabbed his hand, he pulled me inside.
"actually, go to room, I need to grab something from grayson's car." he kissed my cheek and ran outside and I guided myself to his room.
he returned and we went to his balcony to climb onto the roof, he had blankets and pillows with fairy lights and food. "I wanna watch the sunset with you, I missed you." he smiled.
he is so fucking adorable, so fucking perfect, but i'm not good enough for him. ethan and I laid there for a couple hours and I couldn't take it.
"ethan, can we talk about something?" I mumbled.
"anything?" he said, propping himself up with one arm, looking at me.
"the game of spin the bottle, that wasn't the only time I have kissed grayson. I have about five times, one being last night." I sighed, I was fucking disappointed in myself.
"yeah I know, it's okay." ethan literally had no emotion.
"it is?"
"I could tell the second he pulled away from our kiss, the way you haven't been focused all night."
"well what i'm about to say is stupid, but I think I love you both. I know that's hard for you to hear, you're my boyfriend and he's your twin brother."
"you guys slept together." he said.
"what?"
"grayson's condom wasn't in the car, that's what I went to get."
"were you gonn-"
"no, I just wanted to see if it was gone and it was." he spoke. he didn't even seem mad, he grabbed both my hands. "alex, I want you to be happy, whoever makes you happy is who I want you to be with."
"you make me happy..."
"but so does grayson does." ethan said, completing my sentence.
"I know it's stupid, but I don't know what to do."
ethan leaned in and kissed my cheek, he pulled me close, resting my head on his chest. "I love you alex." he said.
"I love you too."
"we just fell in love at the wrong time." he said.
