he's my nicotine

just staring

Today Denis and I were going to Khartsyzk Ukraine, so I could get away from the insanity that was growing in my mind. I slept the whole way there on the plane, and on the taxi ride to grandma's. James insisted that I talk to her about what was going on, because she was the person I've always been able to talk to. Our mom didn't have depression, so it was difficult to talk to her about it. Grandma always said that it skipped a generation, and that it was a blessing and a curse to have it.
"You see, when you have a mental illness you see the world differently. You take in every single detail, and overthink everything. If you take a long walk in the woods you'll appreciate the scenery  but wonder if it will appreciate you."
It was true, that's why every day when I'm down here I go to the forest. I built a tree house there, it's so peaceful. Once we arrived at my grandma's Denis went to his house, and grandma hugged me.
"Elizabeth! What were you thinking?" She asked sweetly handing me a cookie.
"I was thinking 'I'm tired to being like this'" I said taking a bite.
"You need to take a walk?"
"That'd be..nice."
I grabbed my earbuds, and clicked shuffle as I walked to the forest behind grandma's house. The song that played was Breakdown by Seether. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed as the world stopped for a second, but it was long enough for me to smile. I climbed up the dry wood of the ladder, and then sat down on the blanket in the tree house. I unplug my head phones, and set my phone on the speaker I made out of cups. Santeria by Sublime played, and I sang along. I wish I could spend my whole life like this. The peacefulness of the trees, and the calmness of the wind blowing away all the thoughts in my head. My body doesn't need to wonder around the woods, my thoughts do. When I leave the forest I feel better, the forest is the place were I get epiphanies. I stayed there for hours, but time felt like it slowed down, so it felt like days. I opened my eyes and saw Denis sitting there. I jumped up startled, and then sighed.
"What the hell Denis?!" I whisper yelled hitting him in the chest.
"You seemed so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you." He stated rubbing the back of his neck.
I just nodded, and laid my head down in his lap. He played with my hair and hummed the song that was playing. I didn't know it, but the way he quietly sang made me smile. I opened my eyes to see his eyes closed, and smiling. I grabbed his freehand that was resting on my stomach, and played with his fingers.
"You're perfect." I heard Denis whisper.
"I'm far from perfect." I state looking up at him.
"To me your not."
"You'll have your doubts about me."
"But I won't leave."
As I opened my eyes Denis' lips touched mine. It felt like the last piece to a puzzle, watching them fit perfectly together. All the stress lifted off of you, and the feeling of satisfaction you get it's what I felt like. Once he pulled away I blushed madly, but I couldn't break eye contact. Denis pulled out his phone, and held it to his ear.
"Hello, NASA? You can see Elizabeth blushing from space?"
I playfully punched his chest causing him to laugh. I turned away from him, and folded my arms pretending to be mad. I made a 'huff' noise, and stared out the window. I felt Denis' arms wrap around my waist, and then pull me towards him. I let out a small squeal, and then a giggle.
"You can't stay mad at me." Denis said smiling.
"Who said I was mad?" I asked placing a small kiss on his cheek. Hours later it was dark, so we left the forest hand-in-hand. As soon as I got inside I ate, and then went to my room. I laid there staring up at the ceiling, not even thinking, just staring. My eyes closed and I was engulfed with the darkness, and satisfaction of rest.