Adolescent Foolishness (A Fearless Vampire Killers Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

(More trigger warnings...well, I did say things got darker. A lot darker. I won't say what the trigger warnings are I guess, just know they're some major triggers..)

[Yet another week and a half later]

[Shane's P.O.V.]

I wake up considerably early in the morning, as I always do, but I don't move; I just continue to lay in bed, staring out the window at the blue sky, streaked with flimsy white clouds. For a moment, everything feels fine, I just feel incredibly tired. And then everything comes back to me, and my eyes begin to burn again, my throat stinging. The sudden burst of emotion that pushes its way through me lasts only a moment as I remember everything that's happened, and then I just begin to feel numb again. I stare at the ceiling for a long while, and then push up into a sitting position, staring straight ahead of me at the white-painted bedroom door. I can hear people talking, and for a second wonder who it could be, but I don't dwell on it for long as I push weakly to my feet. Every movement feels like an immense struggle, every step I take feels like I'm wading through tar. I just want to crawl back under the covers and bawl my eyes out, but I know I can't do that. I need to keep moving, or else I really will just lose myself. And I can't have that.

I slowly, sluggishly, tug open the bedroom door, and the sound of voices becomes louder. I can tell that it's Laurence and Luke speaking, and I stand stock-still as I listen for a moment to what they're saying.

"...and I don't know what to do about him anymore, Luke. I'm scared for him. I always knew he was a little emotionally unstable when it came to Drew, but this is ridiculous." Laurence sounds worried. Very worried.

"Laur," Luke sighs, "listen, mate. All we can do is, I don't know, just wait for him to snap out of it. But until he does that, we can't do anything. The fact that Kier and Drew are spending so much damned time in Bristol still is ridiculous, because I know that the fact that Drew's leg is injured shouldn't be stopping them from coming home. D'you want me to go in to speak to Barrone?"

"No, no, no, don't be silly. He won't speak about it. You know what he's like."

Luke hums slightly in response, and I just stare down at the floor as the pair continue to talk about me. Something tells me to move, but I feel glued to the spot, and my limbs feel heavy, like they have lead weights attached to them. I slowly drag my left foot back, my right following suit, and the close the door again, every movement painfully slow and agonising as I turn and shuffle back into bed. As soon as my head hits the pillow, tears spring into my eyes again.

Drew isn't coming back. I just know it. He would rather stay with Aryssandra in Bristol than come home. And now Kier's been dragged into it all, and he's not coming back without Drew. What am I meant to do without Drew?

I've spent practically my whole life relying on Drew, sticking by his side. Whenever things got rough when I was a kid, he would be there to help pick up the pieces and make everything better with a tight hug and a whisper that it would get better. He always swore he would make things better for me, he wouldn't let me get hurt, but now look at what's happened. The man I rely on most, the man I need to have here with me to stop this damned mental torture, is in Bristol with some other girl, because I drove him away, I scared him off when I told him I have feelings for him, and now I need to suffer through this, because it's my fault he's gone.

I don't know how long I just lie on the bed, tears streaming down my face, horrible thoughts of what I've caused and terrifying voices laughing and dancing in the back of my head, but I know it's long enough for me to finally sit up, slip off the bed and make my way over to the desk in the corner. Taking out a pen and a few sheets of paper from the top drawer, I proceed to write, the only thing I suppose I've known how to do since Drew decided to stay in Bristol.