RAPED

14.No one wants to

What the fuck happend? I asked myself for the seventh time this evening.

I was in the hotel, laying on my bed rethinking about the moment I had shared with her not that long ago.

How long ago would it have been in anyway?

Thirty minutes?

Thinking about her made me question everything.

Why was I so reckless and how could it just happen like that?Litterally it just happend..like that.

I slapped my face, taunting me because of my stupidity.

Why was the picture of her face all the time roaming around in my head and why couldn't I just reject the fact that it was me kissing her?

~
My lips were tingling, my heart was beating like a razor and I only was holding on for more.

I was about to burst everymoment.

So many thoughts, so much feelings which I couldn't figure out.

Even if I wanted to,

the sweetness of her lips made me forget all my thoughst within a second.

All those seconds...

Would they be ment for her?

All of them?

Wait a minute..

I didn't really know what to do, what to think nor what to say as it took me like forever to realize what a fool I was making out of myself.

I was the only one here,
kissing someone.

I released her by letting go of her lips and creating a cold space between us.

"Martina?" My voice sounded like I wasn't done yet, no wonder..

I really wasn't done here.

The sound of her clearing her throat filled my ears.

"Wh-what was that?"

Looking into her eyes I saw the questions, questions I wanted to answer so badly.

It was just that I..

I couldn't explain what just happend, even not to myself.

"I don't know" I whispered, sliding my hands to her shoulders. "I just.."

Silently I looked at her.

The beauty of it made me wordless.

"Don't kiss me again" She whimpered just whenshe shook my hands off her shoulders and walked two steps away from me.

"Martina"

My voice sounded like a beg to wait for an explanation.

Perhaps I was actually begging her.

"Just don't" she whispered anxiously.

Please just look at me, you don't have to talk but just please..

Look at me.

"I better should go, I'm sorry"

-
Martina
-
I tightly clenched my fingers as I felt my hands trembling at my sides. All the pain and all the heartaches I burried so deep inside of me for the last months, semt to be awaken from their cold, sober grave.