The Writer and the Singer (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter 7

     Captivating forest green eyes. Chocolate curls I longed to touch. Large hands I wish would encase my own. Muscles that flex unknowingly at his slightest movement. An enchanting smile that causes his dimples to appear. Plump pink lips that I fantasize about meeting my own. Lips that can whisper sweet things in my ear. Lips that form perfect lyrics. His voice alluring and raspy. “Did Aubrey write these things about me? Her description fit, but could she think those things about me?” Harry ruminated silently. Then he saw the end of the entry on that page. Harry. Harry Styles.

     He couldn’t stop himself from flipping back towards the beginning of the journal. It’s never been as bad as it is right now. She asked me why I even care. She refuses to see herself as she is. I’m fighting to make her see herself. Only now can I see the pain in her eyes that now seems permanent. She is the only person I care about at this point, my best friend, yet I can do nothing more to save her. This is hell. I see her struggle to force even a fake smile. She told me she didn’t matter, that she hated herself, and that no one understood.

     If Brooke isn’t enough, then how can I be? The answer is I can’t be. She’s so much better than anyone I’ve ever met. Every time she affirms how I suspect she feels towards herself it feels as though a knife in my heart is twisted, wrenching the gaping hole in my chest open wider. My screeching wakes me nightly as I’m wrenched from nightmares of her killing herself…

     “Harry?” Aubrey questioned from the other side of the room. Startled he dropped the journal and hurriedly scooped it back up.

“I- um…I’m sorry!” He stuck the notebook behind his back but then rethought his actions and handed it to Aubrey. “You left without it when you went to walk to lunch with Marie and Lilly, so I just-” He rubbed his neck looking uncomfortable. There was a beat of silence where Harry battled with himself before he spoke, “Who is Brooke?”

     “Let’s get to lunch. Please?”

“Yeah ok.” He regretted expressing his curiosity. They ambled down the hallway together and as they reached the door Harry began, “Aubrey I don’t mean to probe you but I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll tell you everything let’s just sit first ok?”

“Of course.” They found an empty table in the back of the cafeteria. Harry was anxious and his muscles tensed as he waited for Aubrey to begin.

“I met her in middle school. She just genuinely seemed to care from the moment I met her. We were friends for a few months before she told me her parents sent her to a therapist and she was diagnosed with depression. I knew she wasn’t entirely happy, but having it confirmed that way was heart-breaking,” She shook her head as a few tears escaped. “After that we told each other everything. I didn’t know how I could help her. All I could do was listen and that tortured me. There wasn’t anything I could do to save her from herself.”

     “Soon all the imperfections she saw in herself, I saw in myself. I couldn’t handle the fact that it was her; it was Brooke, who was feeling this way. The sweetest, kindest, best person I knew. I gave her everything and I relied on her heavily to get through the day. This went on for months before she told me I could never understand what she was going through. I honestly thought I did, but I was wrong, so wrong. She started pushing me away and I clung to her for as long as I could, until I had no choice but to distance myself. I was an absolute wreck. I had trusted her with everything but she threw it all away without a second-thought.”

     “There were so many nights I almost called her. I desperately needed her but I couldn’t allow her to hurt me any longer. Around this time I started talking to Marie. We’d sat together at lunch for years, but I didn’t know her very well. There aren’t words to express how much she helped me. I was free to vent to her whenever I needed to. She put things into prospective for me and she strengthened me. Mar’s outlook on life fascinated me and still does. She showed me how to be my own person. I was beginning to feel whole again.”

     “They found Brooke the night of June 3rd. She’d jumped off a bridge into a stream.” Her eyes were glistening and she was completely immersed in her memories. Harry’s tears had overflowed but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. “It was the same stream we went to everyday in the summer.” She looks empty, utterly emotionless. Why isn’t she crying? Hell, I’m crying. This reaction was so much worse than her sobbing. “I didn’t cry when I found out. I didn’t have any emotion left. I was utterly empty.” Her eyes flashed and Harry saw a flicker of the agony she was speaking of and that was evident in her actions and who she was as a person. “I wasn’t there for her. She needed me and I wasn’t there.” Aubrey’s entire being shook. She refused to cry but her emotions overtook her. Harry stood up and held her firmly and rubbed her back. An indefinable moment passed where he simply hushed her and hummed. The vibration coming from his chest instantly soothed her and the tears that escaped slowed.

“You are not to be blamed for Brooke’s choices. You can’t torment yourself any longer. Brooke took away her life but you still have yours. Live your life Aubrey. Do this for yourself. I love you. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” He promised.

“I believe you.” And she did.

*Author’s Note: The dedication of this chapter goes to one of my best friends and the fiercest person I know<3 She’s taught me a lot about life in general and helped me through a similar situation as in this chapter. I know this update was a bit more serious so comment what you thought and please vote! Xo*