The Writer and the Singer (Harry Styles AU)

Chapter 17

*Included in the following chapter is self harm, so be aware of that before you read on.*

     The first thing Aubrey recognized when she regained consciousness was droplets falling on her cheeks. Harry and a paramedic hovered over her. Harry’s eyes were red from producing the tears that she had felt hit her. Harry's arms embraced her tightly, as if he knew she needed something to hold her agonizingly broken self together. I will allow myself this moment and then I will cut everything off with him. She swore to herself. 

     The paramedic asked her a couple questions about how she was doing. None of the questions were about the right parts of her. The woman asked if Aubrey was in pain. Tears filled her eyes but she kept her jaw taut and shook her head. The pain was torturously agonizing and overcoming. The paramedic wasn't speaking of the type of pain that was inflicted on Aubrey though.

     Harry spoke to a police officer for a few minutes and then begged for them to be allowed to leave. The burly cop informed Harry that it was impossible for her to still be alive after the length of time she was under water. They were beginning to search the bottom of the pond for Chaise’s body and they couldn’t be around for that. He could see her suffering in the dullness of Aubrey's eyes. She seemed to lose all the life within her. Harry pulled her up from the ground by the hand. She was quick to drop his hand. He noticed and a wave of hurt passed over him.

     The ride was deathly silent. That's exactly what it was: Chaise's death was weighing on them. Aubrey stared out the window. She felt like screaming and screeching until her throat was too dry to continue. Her frustration and anger overshadowed her rationality. She felt the need to sob, but was too exhausted to do so. 

     Hatred ran through her veins. Hatred for the world. Hatred for herself. Twice she hadn't saved her friends. Two times she let them slip away from her. The image of her sitting on the bank, doing absolutely nothing as Chaise suffocated came to the forefront of her mind. Chaise's final shriek echoed in Aubrey's ears. No one could be saved. There was no point in trying any longer. She couldn’t be saved. Her broken pieces couldn't be mended.

     Aubrey got out of the car first when Harry pulled into her driveway. She walked determinedly to her front door. Harry followed closely behind her. She spun around once she opened the door. 

"Harry, you should go." His lips parted in shock. After a moment he nodded and slowly walked to his car. Aubrey slammed the door behind her and smacked her palms against the back of the wooden door. She slide down the back of the door and let the agony rake through her. Burning tears rolled down her cheeks. She was left feeling empty.

     Abruptly she rose fixed on her endeavor. She walked into the kitchen, picked up a knife, and entered the bathroom. I am a revolting person. I don't deserve to be alive. I never did. I will be selfish in the act of escaping. She pressed the blade into her soft, pale skin. Aubrey was surprised by the calm each cut induced. She kept going, cutting up her arms and down her thighs. An alarming amount of blood poured from her skin.

     Harry sat in his car outside Aubrey’s house for a long time. He was shocked and hurt by Aubrey's dismissal. All of a sudden it dawned on him that he had allowed his grieving girlfriend to sit alone in her house. He acknowledged her sending him away, but he couldn't live with himself if he wasn't there for her. He raced from his car and yanked open the unlocked door. He slowed down and approached when he saw the bathroom door was left cracked open. 

     Aubrey didn't notice Harry's arrival and she took the knife to her skin once again. "Stop!" Harry's shout was strangled. He grasped the knife and attempted to take it from Aubrey. "No!" She yelped. In their struggle the blade graced Harry's skin. This brought Aubrey back and she released the weapon and crumpled to the floor. Harry gingerly set the knife down on the counter and approached Aubrey. She shook as she wept. Harry straddled her from behind and squeezed her tightly. 

     "I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. I love you. I love you more than anything. Please, don't-" He began crying at the realization of what had just occurred. "Don't ever do that ever again. I won't lose you, Aubrey. I can't." He nudged his face into her hair. He needed to make sure she was still there with him. 

     They sat like that until the blood from Aubrey's wounds dried. When Harry couldn't stand to look at the gashes any longer he pulled her up with him. Her pants had already been removed, but he pulled the bottom of her sweater up over her head. He turned on the shower and pulled Aubrey in with him. She winced as the water made contact with her wounds. It stung and seared. He apologized profusely throughout the shower. Harry's black jeans and white t-shirt clung tighter to his skin as the water droplets fell on him. His eyes stayed trained on her face. 

     Her vulnerability was apparent in her eyes. Harry grabbed her body wash and loofa and lathered it on Aubrey. She remained immobile as he rinsed her body. When they exited the shower Harry cleaned the blood from the knife and floor. He put the knife in the dishwasher. It was heart wrenchingly difficult for him, but she wasn't capable of assisting him at the time. He went on to bandage her arms and legs.

     Aubrey got him a t-shirt and sweatpants from her father's room to change from his sopping wet clothes. He changed hurriedly as she did the same. Aubrey was too tired to comprehend her thoughts nor emotions. Harry carried her across the room and laid her down on her bed gently. 

     Harry wasn't sure where they stood. Usually he would hold her where she lay, but she had told him she didn't even want him there. Harry started to turn, not intending to leave, just to sit across the room from her. Aubrey reached out, grasped the front of his shirt, and pulled him down next to her. She lay as near to him as physically possible.  She kept hold of his shirt to make sure he really was there and to make sure he stayed. Aubrey allowed herself to focus on nothing but Harry.

     She noticed that his green eyes were impossibly dark. His hair was almost straight due to the wetness within it. Her free hand ran through it and wrapped around his locks. She attempted to memorize his musky scent. Her nose was pressed into his chest. Their lids grew heavy and they both drifted to sleep.

     Aubrey thrashed and whimpered in her sleep. She was woken by Harry's tortured cry, "No! Please!" His eyes fluttered open to see that he was nuzzled in the crook of her neck. Burning tears escaped from his eyes. Aubrey turned over to face Harry. His chest rose and fell rapidly. His breaths were shallow. "It was so real. You..." He attempted to explain. 

"What happened?"

"I found you in the bathroom...I was too late."

*Author’s Note: This was a longer update again! Sorry it was pretty depressing, but this situation is horrid so it’s appropriate. Vote, comment, and message me please! Any feedback is appreciated:)*