Our Book of Rants

33. I'M POSSIBLE: Part 2 (Mad)

Ayush sat outside the school counselor's office on his wheelchair. He had positioned himself in such a way that he could see everyone but no one could see him. He waited for the school bell to ring and as if on cue, a shrill imitation of a bell resounded through the building. He watched the students leave impatiently. For the past three months, he had been hiding in that spot watching kids leave, and eventually the counselor. He tried to approach her but couldn't.

Today, I'm going to do it. No matter what happens, he thought to himself. After fifteen minutes, a tall, but plump lady with grey hair, stepped out of the office. She was wearing a pink sari and a brown sweater. As she tried to lock the door, the key slipped fro her hand. When she bend down to pick it up, Ayush mustered all the courage he could and went near her. As she put her key back in the door, oblivious to his presence, Ayush cleared his throat. She froze and turned around to see him.

"Oh hello there! I didn't see you, Can I help you?" She asked with a warm smile.

"Umm.. Yes.. I just.. I mean... You see.. How do I say this.. I-"

"You?"

"I think I am-" He paused.

"You think you are?"

"Uhh..." 

"Gay?" She offered.

"NO!" Ayush yelled.

"Oi! Stop making a fuss. Being gay is not bad."

"I know it isn't. I am not a homophobe. It's just that, I think I am" he took a deep  breath in,

"Depressed." His shoulders slumped as he bit his lower lip anxiously.

Her expression softened.

"Where are your parents child? Have you not told them?"

This was the question Ayush had been dreading, " Yes. No. I mean. Ugh. It's complicated.' He finished lamely.

"It's okay dear. I can wait."

"Well, I did tell them about it a couple of days ago, but they just asked me to suck it up. They told me I was overreacting. I mentioned visiting a psychologist but dad said that shrinks are crazy people who launder money."

The lady sighed. Clearly, education does not eradicate ignorance , she thought .

"Well, First of all I am happy you came to me. Second, we don't really like the word "shrink"" she gestured with a benign smile.

"Third, I think we should take our meeting to the park. The school building gives me the creeps in the evening" To which Ayush nodded. 

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She pushed his wheelchair next to a bench, on which she sat. No one spoke for some time. They were taking in the view. The trees were packed with leaves, which swayed slightly in the wind. the clouds were slowly covering up the sun, indicating a rainy evening. Ayush loved this weather. He was reminded of his football at home, waiting to be tossed around in the mud. Football was his life, and football in the rain was one of his favorite past times. At least it used to be, when he could walk.

"So how are you here, if your parents don't approve of psychologists?"

"I lied to them. I told them that I was at a friend's place."

"Then we don't have much time do we? Now tell me your story."

After a brief silence he looked at her and said, " Five months ago, I had an accident. I was going home on my cycle and this guy was drunk." He could clearly visualize the scene, he saw it every night in his dreams.

"He was driving on the wrong side of the road. He saw me coming and tried to press the brake. Too late." He realized he was shaking, with anger or sadness, he didn't know.

"I woke in the hospital the next day.  My parents were there.  They were so happy to see me alive , that they forgot to tell me an important detail. I found out about it later though." He gave a bitter smile as tears flowed freely.

" I had lost mobility in my legs. The doctor said I would be able to walk after two to three years but football, not a chance."

" My parents didn't understand what the issue was. They told me I was being ungrateful. That very few people get a chance to live. That I should be happy with what I have. But I don't just want to live. What is the point of my existence if I can't do the only thing I love! "

"I could have easily dated a pretty girl, smoked and gone to parties like the rest of the boys in my class. But I didn't. Instead, I practiced. I studied to get good grades. Because I was meant for greatness, for football!" Ayush looked at the counselor.

She looked at him thoughtfully.

"I hope you haven't tried self harm." She said.

"I haven't, but I have been tempted to. It's a battle within me." He grimaced.

"What's your name?"

"Ayush "

"Now Ayush tell me , why do we breathe?"

" So that we don't die?"

" Precisely. Think of it this way, Every time we breathe, we enter a new cycle of life. With every breath you and I become new people. Do you know what that means?"

Ayush shook his head.

"It means that life is a series of endless opportunities. You get a chance to do something new, something better every time you breathe. But life is also full of obstacles. You know the need to breathe makes us mortal, it makes us human. Similarly these obstacles are what propels us towards being our best."

"That's beautiful." Said Ayush, awestruck.

"You know dear, nothing is impossible. In fact everything is impossible until it's done.

J. F. K once said We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.

Which means, with the right mindset and the right resources, you will be able to play football again." She smiled

Ayush shook his head, " But how?"

"First stop pitying yourself. Self pity is a form of self sabotage. Second, don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help from a professional , irrespective of what your parents or friends say. Third, believe in yourself. This problem won't be an easy one, but don't give up. I know some of the best physiotherapists in town. We'll be there to help you, but we won't be able to do anything without your commitment. "

Ayush thought for some time, then he asked again" You really think I will be able to play?"

She held his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I really do. Do you accept the challenge?"

Ayush looked at his legs and then looked at her. 

"Yes" he said and smiled his first smile in five months.

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A/N: the events above are purely fictional and maybe slightly inaccurate, scientifically. But I hope I was able to put across my message to you guys.

:)