Our Book of Rants

26. Harry Potter Fanfics (Vika)

Okay so it's me again! And I'm going to talk about fanfiction! (Because that's really all I do...)

So, let me begin.

1. Drarry: For those of you who don't know what this is, it's, um, Draco/Harry. And yes, it's a pretty huge thing on fanfiction.net. Drarry is just weird. Even though Draco might have changed after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is not suddenly going to fall in love with him over the span of two days. Like Mad said in chapter three, please keep a plausible time gap between the meeting and the mating in the story! I mean, I wouldn't mind a slow moving Drarry story. And by slow moving I mean at least 10 years.

2. Snape/Hermione: NO NO NO NO NO!!!! NEED I EVEN EXPLAIN?!!

3. Snape/Ginny: Refer to 2.

4. McGonagall/Harry: This isn't merely weird, this is disturbing and mentally scarring. I accidentally found a fanfic with this ship, but it wasn't mentioned in the summary, so I only found out after reading half of it, and I didn't go to fanfiction.net for a whole week after that, which is a lot for me!

5. Neville/McGonagall: Again, super weird and disturbing.

6. Dumbledore/Ginny: OH MY GOD OUT OF EVERYTHING THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WEIRDEST AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS THING BUT I MEAN JUST NO! NO NO NO NO NO! NO GINNY AND DUMBLEDORE THAT IS THE MOST FUCKING DISTURBING HARRY POTTER SHIP IN THE HISTORY OF DISTURBING HARRY POTTER SHIPS.

7. Bellatrix/Voldemort: Plausible, but it's also weirdly hilarious. Especially the stories where they have a secret child who comes to take over when Albus, Scorpius and Rose are at Hogwarts.

8. Umbridge/Voldemort: Yes, two terrible people deserve each other, but it is absolutely fucking weird and just I don't even know what to say because it's so weird I have no words. UMBRIDGE IS A TERRIBLE PERSON AND I ABSOLUTELY HATE HER. BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO DOESN'T?!

Okay so now I'm just going to talk about weird fanfics in general. 

The time travel ones where Harry goes back in time to prevent his parents' deaths but has to pretend to be a new student because if Lily and James find out that they have a kid in the future they'll be creeped out and won't actually get together, or get married, or have a kid, and then that makes the whole thing kind of redundant.

There's also the thing with Lily cheating on James with Sirius and Harry secretly being Sirius' kid. I mean, I don't understand. Sirius loved James like a brother. Sirius may have been a player, but he wouldn't ever have even flirted with the girl James was in love with, let alone had an affair with her while she was married to James. 

Then, there's the Hermione cheating on Ron with Harry thing. HARRY AND HERMIONE LOVE EACH OTHER IN A SIBLING WAY. NO ROMANTIC ATTRACTION WHATSOEVER. And the fact that it all involves cheating is just weird. I mean, first of all, none of these characters are the kind of people who would cheat. They're morally good people. And cheating is never good. 

Then there's the whole Ginny cheating on Harry with a multitude of guys thing. Like I said, cheating does not make a character cooler. Cheating isn't good. And Ginny loves Harry. And Harry loves Ginny. And Hinny is really really cute. And perfect the way it is.

Why do so many fanfics involve people cheating on their SO?! 

Anyways, that's pretty much it...

So, we'll have a chapter up by later today too mostly! 

~Vika