Peterick One Shots

Promise- Part Two

Warning: Sad, mentions of suicide and self harm, may be typos because it was too sad to reread I'm sorry.

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Dear, Whoever finds this first I guess.

I'm sorry I had to go I couldn't live anymore, I was a fuck up. I was ugly, annoying, always complained, ugly, had a temper, depressed, over talkative...the usual.

I thought I would never kill myself, I thought i would live to see the days of finding my true love, getting married, having kids and being happy. But I won't get to see it, it makes me sad that I couldn't get past the darkness in my life but it shows I just wasn't strong enough.

Waking up and hating yourself is the worst feeling in the world but I did it every single day, I wore baggy shirts so no one could see the fat underneath, I straightened the fringe on my hair so it wouldn't be curly and ugly.

I had dated so many people in my life who all left me for someone better every time and their still happy with that person, but, who do I have? Nobody.

And no, whoever you are, I didn't kill myself over not being in a relationship, in reality I didn't care..I just wanted someone to love me and not forget about me but I've never been so lonely.

I didn't think this would be a suicide note really, I just wrote down my feeling in letter form but it turns out I wanna do it. I wanna end my life I'm sick of it already.

How can I go on so alone knowing I only pop into someone's mind when they see me not because they miss me, because let's face it I wouldn't even miss me.

It's sad to think that a lot of people feel this way and it feels like shit. I fake a smile in my day but when I go home I cry myself to sleep alone.

I wish I had a cuddle buddy but I don't. The fear of being replaced sucks because I know I couldn't be replaced in a split second, I'm not special, I'm not needed.

Tell me, could you love someone that's a fuck up? Someone who fucks up their words and gets people offended. Someone who looks in the mirror and hates what they see, someone with anxiety where they have to be told over and over again that their doing great or they'll fall into depression.

A needy person like me?... No one will love me. I'm not stupid I know people will cry at my funeral but they shouldn't because I'll be free and finally be happy.

Because being here and not needed, just going about everyday lonely and afraid I'll be replaced or I'll be forgotten, it's a horrible feeling.

I wanna be the light in someone's world, but I fuck up and lose everyone.

But whoever you are reading this, know that this didn't start out as a suicide note, it started as a poem but now I must do this.

To my three best friends I'm sorry I had to go, I'm sure you guys can find a better friend, hell I wasn't a good one anyways...

Andy, joe, please get married I ship you too, like seriously get married don't even date you're perfect for each other. Joe I want you to know that, that band you wanna start, you should do it. Patrick's an excellent singer and Andy can tap those skins, and joe you can shred that fucking guitar with your badass curly rocker hair, keep being you.

Andy, fuck where do I begin? You're the fucking sunshine in this cruel dark world, you make it brighter, keep being you. You're beautiful, you're wise words got me through everyday and I think you for that, I'll miss you...

...Patrick..fuck I don't know how to say this, I'm in love with you. You always shut me out and I didn't wanna go, I hugged when I was sad because you helped me with my panic attacks but you became distant so I assumed you didn't feel the same way...at least anymore. I love you, your soothing voice made me sleep at night when tears were in my eyes, your gentle touch while you told me it was going to be okay, got me through the day. You're warm smile, you're beautiful face, you're cute nose, you're amazing sideburns. Patrick you're the reason I don't wanna leave but at the same time you are because I can't be around you knowing you're gonna get married to someone else and forget me completely...that's my fear and that's one of the reasons I have to leave. Patrick I love you, so much it hurts but I do, I'll miss you more than ever.. Goodbye.

With all my love, Peter Lewis Kingston wentz the third, aka, Pete.

Patrick shook as he read the note his eyes filling with tears. He gently put the piece of paper down before he stood his whole body shaking like a scared puppy.

He gently picked up a picture frame of him and Pete watching as a tear drop feel on Petes face, "You bastard! You fucking promise you would stop and get help!" He threw the frame hearing it shatter against the wall.

"You lied to me I hate you!" He punched the wall kicking it until his knuckles were red and bleeding. He broke down burying his face in his hands letting out heart broken tiny sobs.

"You promised..."

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Almost 1000 words, that's scary. I poured my heart out into this one, I hope you like it theirs still one more part.

Have a good day everyone!