Beauty and the Freak (girlxgirl)

Chapter Sixteen

Cameron's POV:

"Hello?" I answer the phone, sighing knowing who was on the other end of it.

"Hey girl." I hear John's annoying voice. 

"Can I help you?" I ask, rudely.

"Actually yeah. I'm horny. Come over." He says bluntly.

I roll my eyes. "Fine. I'll be over there soon."

"Good. I'm happy you came to see things my way. You give me what I want, I give you what you want. Oh, and wear something sexy." He orders me.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "K bye." I hang up the phone before I say something bitchy and piss him off. This is the only way. I have no other options. I have no money. It makes me sick thinking about what I'm doing. You would think as many times as I've done it by now it would be easier, but it's not. It's fucking horrible. 

My addiction has cost me so much. I've lost my friends, my grandmother... Kaylee. Things with Kaylee are whatever though. She wasn't my girlfriend. She was my friend with benefits. If I could have even called her my friend. A fuck buddy. There you go, that's better. I gave her an out. She would have never left if I didn't. She would have stuck by my side like a pathetic little puppy dog. She's better off, and so am I. I haven't talked to her since things ended, and I don't plan on it. We have no reason to talk anymore. Like she said, I'm dead to her anyways right? 

The only thing in this world I love is heroin. There, I said it. I don't care anymore. Call me what you want. An addict? You're probably right. A bitch? You're probably right. A whore? Again, you're probably right. But I really don't care. The only thing I care about is heroin. If I'm going to get it, when I'm going to get it, how I'm going to get it. I've reduced myself to this point and stooped so low as to have sex with the nastiest person on this planet for heroin. At this rate, I would do anything to get it. I should have robbed that old lady. 

When did I lose my way so much? I suppose I've always been lost. Ever since my mom died. Now I have this darkness that's consumed my life... That's consumed me. I've been swallowed whole by this darkness, and I embrace it now. I can't fight my demons anymore. This hatred I have building up for everyone and everything. How did it find me? I suppose I know the answer to that. It found me the second I decided to put a needle in my arm. 

I decide to go get ready. Fuck putting on something sexy. John can have me this way, looking like shit, or not at all. None of my clothes fit anymore. I've always been on the slender side, but since starting heroin, I've dropped even more weight. I don't want to eat. I don't care about what happens to me anymore. I'm sick, physically and mentally. I'm tired. I guess that's why I gave up. 

After I finish getting ready, I light a cigarette and begin my walk to John's house. As long as he's fucking me, he could give me a ride. That would have been nice, but right, John isn't a nice person. He ruined my life, although I can't put all the blame on him. It was my decision to snort that first line that started all of this. Even if I knew it was heroin at the time, I probably still would have done it. I wish that I wouldn't have. I don't want to be like this, but it's too late.