Heartless

Chapter 6: Bullshit

Sasha

I was just putting the last of my clothes into a rucksack when I heard the screech of tyres outside my house, I rushed over to the window to see a Dauntless traitor on a black motorbike, they must have been suspicious, they must of heard about me.

I am dead.

Then, I noticed the slicked back ash blonde coloured hair and I let out a small sigh of sort of relief, Eric looked around, I could see his anger from here. At least if I was to be executed, Evie could be given to her father.

Johanna walked out and began to talk to him, he replied with some wild hand gestures, Johanna guided him towards her office.

I turned back around and picked up Evie, she snuggled into my neck and fell into a light sleep, it was late, later than her usual bedtime, and she'd already had a bath, I slung my bag onto my other shoulder.

Moments later I heard the inevitable knock, and my stomach plummeted,

"It's open!" I yelled, managing to sound much more upbeat than I felt, and Johanna slipped in.

"There is a Mr Coulter in my office, do you want to see him or shall I say I couldn't find you?" She asked.

I sighed, "I'll go and see him." I replied, I presume that he had guards waiting in the greenhouses and orchards, there would be no point running. I had to put Evie first, there was a chance that she could get hit by a bullet if they began to shoot.

Putting Evie's little jacket onto her, I walked out into the night, my legs taking determined steps towards the stables despite feeling like jello.

I slowly walked up stairs, not daring to say a word, Eric was pacing the room, his whole body tense.

"You've come back," I said quietly, he spun around so he was facing me, staring for a moment and then dropping his eyes down to Evie who was cradled in my arms.

I knew why he was here.

He knew Evie is his.

"I need you to answer my questions. Honestly." Eric said, his tone low and scary.

In answer I nodded "what happened the day you left?" He asked.

I sighed, I couldn't lie to Eric, I've never been able to.

"I needed to get away, I went and saw Tobias and asked him to take me to Amity, I could stay here forever if I chose too." I whispered.

"Why?"

I looked away "I was pregnant." I whispered, tears falling.

"What?" He murmured.

"I was pregnant!" I yelled it this time. His face dropped, and his hand gripped at the chair, keeping him steady.

"You left me- thinking that you had died- do you know how many nights I lay in bed thinking that is was my fault! Why?" Eric's voice raised at the end of the question, his anger showing through.

"I was scared!" I yelled, my own anger stirring up. "When I went to talk to you, you were telling some guy that you didn't think you wanted kids!"

Realisation crept into his eyes, he knew who and what I was talking about.

"I was a sixteen year old girl and I panicked, I thought you wouldn't love me anymore! I thought I was helping you with your life- you were a leader for god sake. I thought that it would be better for you if I left! I loved you so fucking much."

"Better for who?" he demanded.

I couldn't answer because I didn't know.

"I always wanted a family but I never said anything in case it scared you off, I said the exact same thing to Luca after he called me out on my bullshit about not wanting kids." he admitted "I would have been there for you, through every appointment, through birth." Eric said quietly, the anger draining from his body.

"I'm so sorry." I apologised, reaching out to his hand, Eric moved away "I would've done things differently if I knew."

"I've gotta go, I need to sort something out." Eric muttered, his eyes lingering on the baby in my arms for a second before he ran down the steps.

I heard the motorbike roar into life and speed off into the rain, tears fell like the raindrops outside.

I had lost him.

Eric

I sped out of the compound, all what I've just been told cramming into my thoughts, I shook my head as I pulled into the compound, I parked the bike and put the keys back into the coded lockbox.

How can I manage to screw everything up with one sentence? I was just a screw up, it was what I did best.

walked into my apartment and came face to face with a angry looking Max and a equally angry looking Jeanine, I sighed and walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer, I cracked the top and offered it to Max who shook his head, I shrugged and took a noisy slurp.

"Why did you take one of the bikes out?" Max asked, barely containing the anger in his voice, when we first joined Erudite, I was a necessary evil, a loose cannon but effective, the perfect sociopath, but now I was a liability and I could see this was starting to get to both of them.

"I needed a bit of time away from this damn place, especially as I've got Peter jabbering in my ear the whole time." I replied.

"As a leader you're supposed to show loyalty and enforce the rules- not break them." Max replied.

I clicked my fingers "well that leads me onto my next choice- I want to resign from my position." I informed them, it might be the only way I could at least try and see Sasha and our baby.

In response Max unholstered his revolver and pressed the barrel to my forehead firmly "I beg your pardon?" Max asked again, I heard the faint click of the safety being pulled off.

"Nothing," I muttered, taking a swig of beer.

"Prove to me that the ruthless Eric has not turned soft." He ordered before walking out the room.

I looked over at Jenine who had a emotionless mask on her face, Erudite's had a habit of doing it, she stepped closer to me, grabbing my bicep with her perfectly manicured nails. I glanced down at her fingers in disgust. "Eric, you used to be Erudite?" Jenine said it like it was a question although she knew the answer.

"Yes," I replied, wondering what her deal was, "so you know how important this is to us." she probed, my eyebrows furrowed together, and I nodded a little uncertainly.

"So don't mess it up." Jenine continued, examining her nails as an excuse not to look at me "even if it's not for your sake, do it for your father and Lise's memory."

My hands reached forward of their own accord and wrapped themselves around the royal blue material of her jacket and shoved her against the wall.

"Don't you dare say her name again." I hissed. Only I called her Lise.

"Such a waste of test material." She mused, her words were calculated, "Oh, well, at least there was one less filthy Divergent."

I couldn't stop myself, abandoning my morals, I untangled a fist from the material and sent it into her cheek, she gasped and slumped against the wall, "She was seven." I yelled, "she wasn't some dirty Divergent, she was my little sister, who posed no threat to anyone."

I knew Annalise was Divergent, Amity and Erudite, she was so young, she didn't see the danger in craving knowledge but also craving the peaceful harmony within Amity.

I was too young to realise I had to protect her, to make sure she wasn't hunted and hurt for belonging in two factions.

Jeanine looked up at me, the self-sure look she held before had disappeared and uncertainty replaced it, she stormed out my room, cradling her damaged cheek with her hand.

.:.

The clock read 2:13 and I was still up, I sat up in bed and sighed, thoughts racing through my head was making it impossible to sleep. One thought was very prominent though- why did it all go wrong?

Finally this chapter is out, I found it very hard to type this for some reason- will probably update tomorrow if have enough energy/ time. The song in the Multi Media is what I've been listening too while writing- its the greatest song ever- Just Like Fire by P!nk