HIGH

Chapter 4 Chaos

*****brvdfordmalik.tumblr.com*****

*******I want to get addicted to you******

I think one of the worst parts of opening up to someone is their reaction. It could go any way, good or bad. I think it has to do with the fact that I can't control what their reaction or thoughts are. I don't like being so open with people. I'd prefer to keep everything to myself. And if something involved another person, I'd hope they'd only keep it between us. But I hated telling someone something and seeing their expression. Whether it be a smile or a frown. It was just too unpredictable.

I'm not quite sure when I made my decision. I guess I knew what it was all along.

I am not telling anyone about the alleyway.

It was dumb and stupid. Hell, I could be classified as dumb and stupid after my recent episodes. I didn't care. I wanted to forget about it. And there was only one way to do that.

Drink.

***

Okay. So I lied. I'm not much of a drinker. Being in the club, hearing the blaring music, seeing the other intoxicated people, it was nearly enough to take my mind off of it.

Brooke, Evan, Jake and Alyson all sat around me. We were all talking and they were drinking. I was talking believe it or not. I was enjoying myself. I didn't even care that we had to sneak into the club. I didn't even care that they were all drinking under aged. I just didn't care. I liked that feeling.

You may be thinking how dramatic I'm being. And in that case, I'd have to tell you you're right. Totally, completely correct. On the other hand though, I'd have to tell you just how wrong you were. After almost being taken, physically and emotionally shamed, and after witnessing some random person being nearly beat to death, it takes a toll on you.

I felt guilty. I should have been able to do something. I could have helped. That poor person had a family. He had people who loved him. He had people who needed him. Who even knows if he made it out alive?

But now I just wanted to forget all of it.

Jake and Evan were roommates at college. They had requested to be put in the same dorm. Ever since high school they had basically been brothers. People used to tease them and joke about how they were a couple. Looking back at it, both of them had handled the situation so well. It was solved by ignoring it. They continued on hanging out (along with me, Brooke and Alyson) and doing whatever they wanted. Each of they had steady girlfriends. One was even a model.

Alyson was sort of like an outcast. Brooke, Alyson and I were all assigned a group project for physics in softmore year. I guess you could say that we've been inseparable ever since. We were a gang in our own way. It gave me structure and that was something I needed right now.

"No, no you don't get it guys! Like, I was driving, right? Yeah and then this old lady, like, sprints across the fucking street! I almost hit her!" Jake exclaimed. Everyone laughed. It didn't take an expert to know that it was just a drunken laugh.

"Jake why-why are you such a fooking idiot!" Evan slurred. Jake shook his head and laughed hysterically.

"Evan you talk funny." Brooke remarked. She looked at Alyson and waited for her to agree. Sure enough, the little red head nodded eagerly.

All of them were pissed drunk. My head was slightly dizzy but I knew when enough was enough.

"Let's go back and dance!" Brooke suggested. They all cheered at this. We all left our seats and followed Brooke as she pushed herself into the large sea of people.