HIGH

Chapter 26 Nothing

brvdfordmalik.tumblr.com******

I want to get addicted to you****

I know I shouldn't be surprised at how fast Zayn changed his mood. That's how things worked with him. One second he'd be out to punish me then the next we'd be a sharing a bed. I didn't understand why he had been so closed off about his past. I could probably guess, the most logical answer was most likely bad memories. Mistakes he had made. I knew he wouldn't share too much with me. And perhaps I was expecting too much from him. Then again, I never knew what to expect with him. Zayn was all over the place. Maybe if I knew a little bit more about him he'd be more bearable.

After thinking about that longer I realized how fucked up it sounded. Nothing he said would make him easier to be around. Zayn was everything I didn't like. With some people no matter what they did, your opinion would never change about them. Zayn was one of those people.

I 'm telling myself to stop making such quick judgments about him. My mom used to tell me to get to know a little bit more about the person before you jump to conclusions about them. I've been trying to do just that yet all I've found out about him is he has mood swings, he's second in command of one of the most notorious gangs in the town and he has a bad past with drinking. That's not a lot to build off of. Except for the small fact that he's most likely completely insane.

Especially after what he just did to me. How easily he had been able to make me conform to every position he wished. It scared me how fast it all happened- how willing I had been. Nothing about him was right and it certainly wasn't doing me any good being around him. I wondered if I confused him as much as he confused me.

I don't think I'm a very confusing person. If anything, the only confusing thing about me is how I explain things. I don't know how to explain this relationship between Zayn and I. I was working with absolutely nothing. He told me nothing so in return I knew nothing. His constant demands made perfect sense. Zayn was crystal clear on what he wanted and would do everything to get it. However, it depended on whether or not I wanted to listen to him or not. I knew the consequences for not listening but each time I refused him, the less his punishments became. They were either shorter (meaning I wasn't in pain or a near death experience for too long) or softer (they still hurt like hell but not as badly as the first time in the elevator). Each time I pissed him off his boundaries between us became thinner and thinner. I don't know if that makes sense or not. The only way to explain it was that Zayn becoming less strict with me. By boundaries I mean how closed off he had been. He's been talking a little bit more than before. Most of things he says are rude or hurtful. I'm deciding to take that in a positive direction. The more he says the more I find out.

I'm completely contradicting myself right now. Part of me wants him to talk more so I can know more, the other part wants to know nothing and is too scared to find out. Then there's Zayn whose just perfectly fine with being a closed off asshole. I think he might let out more in time. Maybe.

"Did you say something?" Zayn called from the bathroom. He was changing his clothes. So in other words, stripping down to boxers then climbing into the bed.

"No." I whispered while trying to stay on track with my messed up thoughts. Zayn padded in the room and walked by his dresser. His full torso completely exposed to the cold air. His chest, arms and even hip bones were adorned with the tattoos I never really paid attention to before. My eyes wandered down his muscular chest. The heat rose to my cheeks. What the fuck was wrong with me? When he positioned his body to face me I felt my breath catch in my throat.

His eyes were bloodshot and his hair messy and flat on his head instead of the usual spiked up do. Zayn's skin appeared to be pastier, pale even. The even more paleness of his skin contrasted with his dark brown eyes. He looked like he'd been through so much shit but he still remained exquisite. His face was more sunken in which made the features in his more prominent. I preferred this version of Zayn. Drunken, irrational Zayn.