Why Don't You Figure My Heart Out? (Matthew Healy)

// She Had A Face Straight Out A Magazine //

Being a girl in a place like Manchester, with no family and barely any friends, life gets tough. That’s why I turn to music. I turn to it for comfort. For something that will always be there for me. More specifically, The 1975. I’ve been listening to them since 2006. Their music may not be as ‘inspirational’ as others, but it makes me happy. They make me happy. I’m in my last year of college and I’m 18. I have straight jet black hair with emerald green eyes. I’m tall and slender, having recovered from an eating disorder at 15. I didn’t have the best parents growing up, but I’m ok now. I’m 18, I’m living on my own, I have a great job and I am stable.  Oh, the name is Maddy, by the way. I work at a small newspaper company a few minutes away from my apartment. The school year is almost over, and then I’m done with school forever and I couldn’t be happier. After the school year is over, The 1975 are playing an 18+ show at a local venue, just 2 blocks away from my apartment. I’ve been waiting for 7 years to see this band and I have never been this excited in my entire life. Anyway, time to get out of bed. I got up and had a quick shower, scrubbing off all of the grossness of my dirty body. I got out after washing my hair and towel dried myself before getting changed into some black jeans, a tank top with a rib cage on it and my leather jacket that I wear everywhere. I blow dried my hair and straightened it before putting on my makeup; winged eyeliner, blush, mascara and red lipstick. I chucked on my black Doc Martens and grabbed my keys. I walked to the train station and waited for about 5 minutes. My train eventually came and I got on, heading to college. As soon as I got there I wanted to leave. I’ve hated school my entire life and I don’t understand its purpose; grades don’t define intelligence and there’s a difference between being smart and being educated. I went on with my day and attended all of my classes for a Wednesday afternoon; literature, English, biology, general maths, photography and another English session. The only classes I like at school are literature and English. I am a writer after all. Although I only write small columns, I’m working on becoming a better writer and who knows? Maybe one day I’ll be able to publish a book. I stood outside the gates at lunch time and lit a cigarette. I saw the looks I was getting and I did get yelled at by one of the teachers for smoking on school grounds, but I’m outside the gate, so technically I’m not on school grounds. The teachers at this school are bullshit. I would give anything to tell them how they are, how fucking dumb they are. Same with the students. In my entire schooling life I’ve been suspended 6 times and expelled from my old collage for many reasons; skipping class, swearing at teachers, smoking in the bathrooms, graffiti, drinking at school and getting into fights with other students. I've been told I'm like the 'school badass'. I hate school and I always have, but I guess every other teenager does. After school was over, I walked back to the train station and went home. Still being in collage but living on your own is kind of weird. I only turned 18 four months ago and I’m already more independent than any other kid at my school. I’m the type of person that doesn’t really have friends. Well, I have one. His name is Ryan. He’s also gay. I’ve known him since we were 5 years old. Our families used to be best friends but then my parents went through their divorce and they never saw Ryan’s family again. I would sneak out to see Ryan in the early hours of the morning when I was in my early teen years. I was the first person he came out to. I love Ryan with all of my heart and more.  At least Friday is the last day of school for this year. It hasn’t been a good one.