Why Don't You Figure My Heart Out? (Matthew Healy)

// I love you all too much //

After we’d finished at the aquarium we decided to get a quick drink at the pub down the street, then drive back to our place. We walked down from the aquarium to a pub called The Boars Head. We ordered a couple of beers and sat at the bar.

“I hope you’ve had a good birthday” Matty said as we tapped our bottles together in cheers.

“I did. Thank you” I said, then took a sip.

“No problem, love” he smiled in response.

After the pub we drove back to our flat. We walked in and turned on the lights and I swear I almost had a heart attack. Everybody jumped out from everywhere yelling surprize. I was so startled that I screamed and everybody laughed at me. Ryan came up and gave me a big hug.

“Happy 19th beb” he grinned.

“Thank you” I laughed. I went around and spoke to everybody. The band was here, Ryan and Kyle were here, Denise was here,  a whole bunch of people from work, and some other bands that Matty has toured with. Even some of Matty’s old friends from school were here who I’d met a couple of times. I was lucky to spend my birthday around so many amazing people. I ended up getting quite drunk so we ended the party a little earlier than we had planned and I went to bed, but not without some birthday sex first.

The next day I woke up and remembered that I had to work. I had a raging headache so I took some aspirin and got dressed, then Matt drove me to work. I finished up with a couple of articles and then Matty picked me up and we drove home. We got back and then just sat on the couch for a little while watching TV.

“Hey babe?” Matty said from next to me.

“Yeah?” I asked back in reply.

“I’m heading back on tour soon. Me and the band all organized it while you were a work. It’s a 6 month long tour all around America. I’m sorry, love, but I’ve gotta go”

“I understand. It’s your job, you have to do it”

“I wish you could come with us” he said. He looked generally sad that he had to leave.

“I know babe, I do too but I have to work”

“I know. We’re leaving in about a 3 weeks”

“3 weeks? That’s all the time you have? Are you fucking serious?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry love”

“I- I don’t think I’ll be able to last that long without you, Matty. I really don’t” I said, taking his hand.

“Then do it. Come with us. Quit your job and come live on the road with us” he suggested.

“Matty-“ I started, but he cut me off.

“Seriously, all expenses paid. I’ll take care of you”

“Matty I can’t. I have work and Ryan and I can’t just leave everything behind”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry” he said pulling his hand away from mine.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“Well yeah, a little bit”

“You have no reason to. I love you Matty. I really do. But I’m not just gonna drop everything in my life for you. You have to understand that, just like I understand that you’re gonna be leaving me every few months”

“I know. But you have no reason to be mad at me either. It was just a suggestion” he grimaced.

“Are you actually fucking serious right now? I wasn’t mad at you, but now I am. You can’t just do this to people, Matty. You can’t just think that they’ll drop everything and leave their entire life behind because of you. You’re acting like a 5 year old”

“I am not acting like a 5 year old!”

“Yes you are! You know what, I’m done. Go on tour and be pissy at me for not coming. I’m not going with you” I finished as I stormed out of the room and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

It had been half an hour and Matty hadn’t even tried to see if I was okay. I had cooled off a bit and was ready to see him again so I came out and walked back into the lounge. Matty was nowhere to be seen, but there was a note sitting on the table.

“Gone to George’s. Be back in a few days” was all it read. No ‘love you’ or anything. Just that. I tried to call him but he didn’t answer. I sent him a few messages and again, no answer. I went and lay down on our bed, breathing in his smell.

3 days later and Matty was back. We hadn’t spoken the entire time he was gone.

“Matty, we need to talk” I said to him. We sat down at the table next to each other and I took his hand. “I love you Matt. So, so much. But obviously with your touring and being away from each other so much, I don’t think it’s gonna work. I was so completely lost without you here the last tour and I can’t come with you. I am completely head over heels in love with you, Matty Healy” I felt Matty’s hand come up and wipe away the tears that had formed.

“I understand. I love you too, Maddy Wellington. If this is what we have to do, then we have to do it”

“I-I’m so sorry” I cried.

“Don’t cry. We knew this was gonna happen sooner or later. I will never forget this time that we spent together, Maddy. You are the only girl I have ever actually loved, and I probably won’t stop loving you. But it has to be done. I’ll get all of my stuff packed up tomorrow and I’ll be out of here, don’t worry. But can we just have one last night together?” he asked.

“Of course” I said.

That night was me and Matty’s final night together. I can’t believe I’m letting him go.

A/N SORRY