When Samantha James becomes One Direction's personal assistant, she gets more than she bargains for. Falling for Harry Styles is one of them. But things aren't always easy or beautiful, because Sam has secrets--dark ones, and she'll do anything to h...
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Nicki and Matt had moved from the bungalow into a house in the suburbs to accommodate for the baby's arrival. When she'd told me over a month ago, there was a part of me that was sad. I'd lived in that bungalow with the two of them for years until everything changed, and their move was just proof that everything was totally and completely changing, whether I wanted it to or not.
She answered the door moments after I'd knocked and immediately wrapped me into a hug. I wanted to collapse into her arms and sob, but I had no more tears left to cry. She pulled away from me and kept me at arm's length to get a good look. "It's okay," she whispered.
I nodded and my gaze slid down to her enormous stomach. She was due in mere weeks. "Come in," she said softly and grabbed my hand, leading me into her new home. You could definitely tell that Nicki had been nesting. The entire house was decorated beautifully, with new furnishings and paint.
"It's nice," I commented, setting my bag down on the carpeted steps that led to the second floor. "Is the nursery done?"
Nicki nodded but bit her lip. "Do you want to see it?"
"Of course."
I could tell she was walking on egg-shells around me, and honestly, I was a little thankful. I felt okay right now and I was truly excited to see the nursery, but I wasn't sure what was going to set me off next. I picked my bag back up and she led me up the stairs, guiding me down the hallway, until we came to the second door on the left.
She pushed it open and soft gasp fell from my lips. The nursery was beautiful. The walls were a light pink that complimented the ivory furniture. Nicki had placed brown and white bunnies throughout the room: stuffed animals, pictures, and wall decals. It wasn't overbearing at all. Peace washed over me and I sighed. "It's beautiful."
"Really?" she asked excitedly.
I pulled her in for another quick hug. "It really is." I glanced over at the letters that were hung above the crib. EBS. I smirked and turned to Nikki. "EBS? You decided on a name? You've got to tell me!"
Nikki smiled and placed both hands on her bump. "Ellie Brooke."
My smile faltered, but the light in my eyes shined. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she said. "We wanted her to have a piece of her godmother. Ellie Samantha didn't sound right, so I gave her your middle name."
I looked back at the letters pinned to the wall. She'd given her daughter part of my name. For the first time in weeks I truly felt happy. I truly felt wanted. I truly felt, even for a moment, that it was all going to be okay.
Nicki showed me to my room after that, and then it became like old times. We both sprawled out on the bed and began talking about everything had happened.
"I just can't believe that he'd throw it in your face like that," Nicki replied to me after I'd explained the full fight with Harry.
I picked at the polish on my fingernails. "Yup," I sighed. "It was going to happen eventually. Eventually he was going to see that we weren't right for each other."
Nicki stayed perched on her side, playing with a string that'd come loose in the fabric. "He loves you though, Sam. I have never..." she trailed off.
"What?"
She shook her head. "Nothing."
I sat up a bit straighter in the bed. "Tell me," I urged.
"It's just... I've never seen someone so in love. The both of you. He looked at you like you created the universe, Sam. And so did you. He was... he is truly in love with you."
I knew Harry loved me. I loved him, too. I loved him so much to the point that it terrified me sometimes. But just because we loved each other didn't mean that we were right for each other. It was the harsh truth. Sometimes the truth hurt.
My body relaxed back on the bed. "Yeah, well... love isn't the answer for everything. I'm too messy. There's too much inside of me. I make it so hard for people to love me. I never let them in all the way."
"Maybe you should talk to somebody," Nicki suggested.
"Not you too," I groaned.
Nicki shrugged. "All I'm saying is that you've never been able to get it all out. You were hit with tragedy after tragedy and you never got a break."
"I don't know."
"I really think that you should talk to somebody, Sam."
When Nicki said those words, my mind immediately saw Harry's face suggesting the same thing to me many times before. In an instant, it felt like my heart was going to break in half. Tears sprang into my eyes. This was the other shoe waiting to drop. I was about to have a breakdown.
I rolled over so that my back was facing Nikki. "Can you leave?" I asked.
"What?"
"I just need you to leave, Nick. I need a minute, okay?"
She could hear the strain in my voice. Tears were already leaking out of my eyes. Anger and sorrow were fighting it out inside of me. I didn't know what to feel.
The weight on the bed shifted as she got up. Once the door shut, I broke out into sobs. Sobs so loud that I'm sure she could hear them from wherever she was in the house. All I wanted for just a second was for Harry to hold me, but I was still so angry at him and at myself.
I held my head in my hands, pressing my body into the mattress. "Get out of my head," I sobbed quietly. "Please get out."
I wasn't going to allow myself to want him or ache for him. I couldn't. He didn't need the baggage and I didn't want him to have it. But Harry did have me, that was the problem. He had me and I wanted him to let go. He deserved better. He deserved more.
And suddenly, I wasn't angry at him anymore. I was sorry for him. Sorry for the fact that he had to put up with me, sorry for the fact that I dragged him into all of it. I'd watched him become so tired and worn-down from constantly worrying over me, from taking care of me.
Harry deserved more, I saw that now. And I so desperately wanted him to have it.
