Beyond the Lights (h.s)

Chapter Forty-Two: Samantha (Part One)

I barged through Miranda's door a week later for my scheduled appointment. "He wrote a song about me," I announced as I stepped in, shutting the door behind me with unnecessary force.

Miranda looked up, stunned for a moment, before she relaxed her face. "Harry?"

Swinging my purse around, I plopped down on the couch and crossed my arms harshly. "And he changed his number."

She relaxed back in her seat and tossed her notebook on the table, returning her attention to me completely. "Is this the song that was just released? 'Perfect?'"

"You've heard it?" I asked.

Miranda smirked. "Who hasn't heard it? It's been playing on the radio for the past week."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's about me. I mean, he didn't think to warn me first?"

"I'm taking it that you're really upset about this," Miranda noted.

Yeah, I was upset, but I wasn't going to tell her about how I bought the song on iTunes and curled up in a ball under the covers and played the song on repeat for hours. I wasn't going to tell her how I knew every pause, breath, and syllable of that song. I wasn't going to tell her that when I heard his voice swimming through my ears, it felt like my heart was going to explode.

"I'm pissed, but I'm also... I don't know. I'm angry at him and at myself. At the same time, though, the song means so much to me. The fact that he's still thinking about me and that he put what he feels into the song. It's special, it's beautiful, and I'm so confused," I admitted.

Miranda smiled at me softly. "It's a kind gesture, no? Do you think he's trying to get you back?"

"Did you not hear me say that he changed his number?" I repeated.

"Don't celebrities do that all the time, though?"

I rolled my eyes. "He couldn't have given me a heads up? What if I needed to get in touch with him or—,"

"I thought you didn't need him," Miranda interjected, giving me a pointed look.

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. "I don't," I said rather unconvincingly. "I don't need him and I doubt he needs me. You know, the PR team probably just picked that song to use a single. Yeah, it's about me, but maybe Harry didn't have a say."

"He never mentioned this song to you?" Miranda asked.

I shook my head and then shrugged. "No. I mean, I would catch him writing in his journal or using the notes app on his phone a lot. I didn't really know what he was doing." I found myself drifting off, engulfing myself in memories from the past eleven months. "He was always looking at me and... observing me, you know? It's like I was going to disappear if he wasn't watching me or touching me."

My throat closed up and I tried to clear it. "I remember once that we were laying in bed in Johannesburg. We had just... you know... and he looked at me. Really looked at me. I don't think that I've ever been looked at like that in my life. I can't even describe it to you. And then he told me that he loved me, and I was terrified, but I couldn't look at him and not feel the same."

I felt the tears prick at the back of my eyes and I blinked them back, adverting my gaze from Miranda.

Her voice was soft. "That wasn't my question."

I turned my attention back to her. "Sorry," I whispered.

"That's okay. You miss him," she said simply, like it was a fact.

And it was.

I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Yeah," I muttered. "Yeah, I guess I do."

When I returned my gaze to Miranda, she had this mischievous look on her face. "So," she began, "what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. What in the hell was she talking about?

Miranda straightened her form and leaned forward in her chair, maintaining eye contact with me. "You miss him. What are you going to do?"

"I-,"

But she wasn't finished yet. "Are you going to sit here and wallow in your sadness and pity? I mean, hopefully one day, you'll find someone. It'll be good, maybe even great. They'll give you stability and companionship, but you will never love them like you loved him. Not even close. You'll pop out a couple of kids and live your life with your family, but you will never stop wondering what could have been."

I was dumbfounded, staring at her in complete shock. "Well..."

"Face it," Miranda cut in again. "You've thought of the future. Hell, you've probably even seen it in your dreams or when you're watching him do whatever he does up on stage. Harry is you future, Sam. So, what are you going to do about it?"

There was that question again. Everything she was saying was making sense, but I didn't want to admit it. I wanted to believe that I was going to be okay without him. I'd been trying to convince myself for weeks. I wasn't even buying my own bullshit. I needed him.

I almost smiled at her. "Are you always so upfront with your clients?"

Miranda smiled at me. "Only when they need a good push."

----

Back at Nicki's house, I immediately began shoving my clothes and belongings back into my suitcase. I must have been making a multitude of noise, because Nicki appeared with Ellie in her arms. "What are you doing?" she asked.

I stopped packing and turned to her. "I'm going to get him back."

Nicki's eyes widened. "What?"

For some reason, I was breathless. My stomach was in knots. On the way back from Miranda's, I had a revelation. I was supposed to hear that song. I was supposed to understand the lyrics and know that it was about me. This was supposed to happen. We were meant to be together, it was plain as day, and I was blind.

"I've got to get him, Nick. I'm a tough girl, I can take a lot of shit and whatever's thrown at me, but I can't be without him. I just can't," I confessed.

Suddenly, a smile appeared on Nicki's bright face. "It's about damn time," she said.

I smiled back widely at her, closing the short distance between us to wrap her in a hug, careful to avoid Ellie. When we pulled away, I turned back to my suitcase. "I still had the band's travel and appearance schedule in my phone. Harry's plane leaves in an hour and a half."

"You won't make it on time," Nicki panicked. "It's rush hour and LAX is already a good distance from here."

I turned back to her, a smile still painted on my face. "Don't worry," I replied. "I've got a plan."