Angel

Heartbreak

Xavier's POV

I have never felt such pain and heartbreak in all my life. Every part of me aches and at the same time I feel so numb. I can't sleep or eat; I can barely move from my spot. My heart feels like it's been torn apart over and over again. Images of that dreadful day play in my head on repeat. She saved my life that day with the throw of her knife that pierced the head of the rouge that was about to end me. After how I have treated her, she still thought my life was worth saving. Yet, I failed to save hers.

The days blur by and all I can think about is her.

I miss her.

How can I say that? She was here in my pack for 2 months and I barely gave her any of my attention and now all I wish for is to see her smile one last time or look at me with those big blue eyes. Although, I have never marked her, our bond was so strong that night. I felt it when she was in danger and I felt it again when she was slipping away. I don't understand how it was possible for me to feel the mate bond so strongly without marking her, but I did.

Since that day my wolf has refused to make an appearance; he is hurting as well, if not more. He blames me for not spending enough time with her and making her our true mate, but he blames himself for what happened. He thinks that he could have fought better, been stronger and faster. He feels weak now, worthlessness; these are the same feelings I share with him. What kind of Alpha can't protect his Luna? What kind of Alpha would ever put his Luna in danger? I'm disgusted with myself and the decisions I have made around this mate bond.

I'm not the only one disgusted with me; pack members are starting to challenge my authority. They no longer trust my judgment and they can sense my weakness. Their Alpha is falling apart and so will this pack if no one steps up as the Alpha. However, even at my weakest state, there is not a single pack member that will be able to bring me down, except for one.

Luke

He was furious when he found out what had happened to Noel. He nearly killed me the second I stepped into my pack and honestly, I would have let him. The only thing that stopped him was my injuries. He has always been an honourable man and never will he end anyone's life while they're injured. He wouldn't consider it a fair fight and would rather wait for them to gain their strength back. However, days have gone by and I'm finally healed; it will only be a matter of time now until Luke bursts through the doors and demands to challenge me for the Alpha position.

I was too foolish to realize this before, but without her I have no reason to live. I will give Luke his fight, but I plan to give him the Alpha position. He deserves it more than I do; he deserves a lot more than I do.

I stretch my hand out and hold her cold hand in mind and for the millionth time I pray that she opens her eyes or shows any signs of recovery. The pack doctors said that she lost too much blood and her injuries are too severe for her to recover. She's been in this coma state for days and I have been warned that she won't make it through the night. Her heartbeat is so faint that it can barely be heard and her chest barely rises with each small breath that she takes. I'm surprised that she has managed to make it through these past few days.

She's a fighter. She's always been a fighter.

The door slams open and Luke walks in, his eyes landing hard on me. He's still fuming and I can feel his hatred towards me. I deserve it all. His eyes soften however, when he looks over at her. I can see from the corner of my eye, Luke taking in her paleness and stillness, with a sadden look in his eyes. I can tell that his feelings for her have grown and he wished that she wasn't my mate. Before all of this I would have put him in his place out of jealousy, but now I can't help wonder if she would have been better off with him. Would she have been happier with him? She most definitely wouldn't have been in this state if she was with him.

"Thank you for teaching her how to fight with that knife, she saved my life that night." I say hoarsely, with my eyes still on her. It's something I've been meaning to say to Luke before I give up my Alpha position to him.

"Clearly it wasn't enough to save her own life." He replies with coldness in his voice.

I swallow the guilt that makes everything in me ache. "This is all my fault." I whisper.

I see him clench his fists, as if ready to punch me this very second. Instead he turns away and says, "It's time for our fight," before leaving the room.

It takes all my willpower to leave her side and meet Luke outside for our battle. I don't want to waste any more time away from her, but I know that this needs to happen now. The pack is weak without its Luna and with a useless Alpha. Pack members are demanding for this fight to happen tonight.

I kiss her forehead for perhaps the very last time, as the chances of her surviving the night are very slim and the chances of me surviving this battle are slim too. Although, I might not be around to see whether she wakes up or not, I desperately hope that she does, even if I am no longer around. I know Luke will take better care of her.

I head outside and feel the anger radiating from my pack members; they all want to see blood tonight. Talia is desperately pleading with our brother who already has his eyes on me.

"Luke please! I know he hasn't been the greatest brother or mate to Noel, but he's our brother! He's hurting too!" Talia exclaims to Luke, who easily pushes her away and makes his way to me.

That doesn't stop her from running and coming in between us. "Please don't kill each other! I can't bear to see the both of you hurt!"

I look at my sister who has always managed to bring peace between two brothers. Tears stream down her face as she continues to try and change what is about to transpire. I reach out and wipe the tears from her face. When was the last time I tried to comfort my sister? I have never been a good brother to her and yet, she still pleas for my life. More regret and guilt fills me with the thought of not being a good brother, as well as a mate. One of the Warriors grabs Talia and drags her away, as she continues to fight his grasp. Maybe Talia and Luke would be happier without me around.

Cheers from the crowd that surrounds us grow louder, as we take our places. My wolf is still nowhere to be found and he most likely won't appear to assist me in this fight. Luke being the honourable man that he is, I know that he won't unleash his wolf on me when I'm still human. We would have to fight in our human forms.

Luke refuses to waste any more time and charges at me. I manage to dodge some of his hits, but he's quick and lands a punch on my face and a kick to my chest. I land a few hits of my own, but the most part I focus on blocking and dodging. Over the years, Luke has grown so much as a fighter, especially with his human side. The cheers from the crowd become louder with every blow, which only fuels Luke even more. I can see him struggling to control his wolf, that no doubt wants to tear me apart.

In a swift move he manages to get me in a choke hold and starts squeezing the life out of me. I can tell that he is holding back and is hesitating on whether to end me or not. Talia's screams are becoming more desperate with each passing second.

"Do it!" I choke out. At least this way all the guilt and pain will disappear as well.

"Damn it! Fight back!" He desperately says back.

"I can't... you deserve her... you deserve everything." I barely manage to choke out, as his grip tightens around my neck.

Suddenly, we all hear it, something I never thought I would hear again.

Her screaming

Luke instantly lets go of me and the crowd becomes silent.

"That was Noel!" Talia exclaims before taking off to the mansion. Luke and I are right behind her.

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