In His Eyes

25|Torn

The Golden Island
 
ENDLESS, I felt an endless pursuit of overwhelming pain on my chest. From the cushions that I laid, I was colder than I felt in a long time. My chest heaved and my forehead had beads of glistening sweat on them. I was suddenly burning to brightly that there was no way I could ever recover from.

I opened my eyes as a misty haze surrounded me. I was awake once more. Another pain, another regret and another mistake. I was slowly but surely dying in this place I once called home. And by my fear, Hagen would surely and truly be the death of me.

I stood up and forced myself in the mirror and saw the horror in front of me. I was a mess. There were dark circled below my eyes regardless of the constant and unending sleep I was getting myself. And my skin was loosing there natural glow, I was pale as a bone and I looked terrible.

"It's for the better" I whispered to myself. It was true, Hagen got what he wanted meaning the rest of my family would be safe. Safe, that was an understatement. They were never safe from the beginning. I only told that lie to myself to give me hope and now that I faced the truth to it, It was clear I was only giving myself a deception I wish to prolong.

I could escape but then again, where would I go? I'm in one of the most remote islands in the world. It would be a miracle for me to even reach the front gate.

"Nikolaj?" I heard a voice call my name, a female voice. My eyes widened at realization that the voice sounded so familiar, quite familiar actually.

I opened the door and almost cried as Soarsia stood before me. And in an instant I embraced her in a hug.

"I missed you so much—" I said in between breaths. Soarsia was a my friend. She worked for my family as a cook for as long as I can remember. She was a few years older than me but that didn't stop us from treating each other like siblings. Even mother could attest to that.

"—How are you?! Have you been here the wh—"

"—Nikolaj!!!" Soarsia yelled, silencing me, her face was filled with wonder. "Would you like to explain to me how you're alive?! I saw you die on that boat?!" I remembered all too well that no one knew I was alive. At least to the household I left. Smiling to myself weakly, I shuddered. Two-Days in and I was already loosing myself.

I told Soarsia about everything. I told her about my choice that ultimately ended me here in this hell. I even told her about my endless pursuit of happiness that was very naive of me. About Robert, Kate and Barry and Lisa, I told her half of it. She didn't need to know all of them. I assumed I was being naive again, but maybe I wasn't.

It wasn't her story to know.

And it wasn't mine either, as far as I know, It was Nikolaj's story and he died long ago. He wasn't me, he used to be me but not anymore.

"You really are the craziest motherfucker I've met" She said as we were seated on floor, our shoulder touching. I laughed subtly. "I had too" I said, sensing the thoughts that was about to come.

"I needed to save myself from him"

"I'm sorry" Soarsia whispered. "Who knew he would change like that" She continued, giving me a comforting look as I stared off in a daze.

"After the incident on that boat, Hagen was a mess. He locked himself away for sometime to mourn about you. He even coordinated a funeral and everything. I couldn't remember but I think it was about 3 months before he came outside and felt the sunlight on his skin. After that, he wasn't the same anymore" I closed my eyes for a second, contemplating the words she said. I tried not to imagine, but It was futile. I felt my eyes get gradually heavier with tears.