Rumour Has It ( Savage MC Book One)

chapter nineteen- a taste of paradise can break a person when it ends

Eight years ago
One month before that night
Millie's p.o.v
"Four" I stated.
"Four? Seriously? " Cut responded.
"Four" I grinned and nodded my head firmly where it lay on his chest. Feeling his eyes on me I raised my head and rested my chin on his pecs looking into his eyes. His shone with amusement.
"Busy house, Babe, if you want four kids running around it. Got to start soon" he stated and I smiled hugely at him.
"Hectic" I agreed and he laughed silently, I felt the vibrations of it under me.
" I can do hectic" he said softly a few minutes later.
"Can you?" I asked quietly, a serious tone slipping into my voice. He dipped his chin further bringing our faces closer together.
"build a home for you, baby" he promised in all seriousness.
"With a garden?" I asked tracing patterns with my finger along his chest.
"And a big kitchen and living room and a big bed " he rumbled, "the bed we're buying first though". I smiled as my eyes closed, picturing a future with the man under me.
"Leather couches and wooden floors. A conservatory at the back that's ninety percent window." I added to the list.
"A big ass bath tub " he winked causing me to laugh out loud.
" What else?" I whispered.
" What else do you want?" He asked, promising me the world in just a sentence.
" You. This. Us. Forever." I whispered back opening my eyes and gazing into his. The intensity of his look should have scared me with how much emotion it held but it just made me feel warm all over.
" You've already got that, Baby" he whispered back.
"Then I've got all I need" I said leaning up to kiss his lips.

7  years ago
Millie p.o.v
Ireland
The knocking seemed endless but I knew it would eventually pass.  It had been coming weeks now. Every so often I'd let her in but more often than not I'd do what I was doing right now. Lying on my side in a bed that's sheets admittedly needed to be changed, facing the dull grey wall with my back to the door and listen to the shouting and banging until such time as a final, "Jesus christ Mil" came and silence would again take over my world.
Somewhere in me I knew I needed her like she was trying to be there for me. Some part of me was screaming at me, begging to let someone help. But that part of me had shrunk so small it's voice was barely above a whisper now. Thus the reason I no longer answered the door.
"What the fuck?" A voice sounded behind me, shocking me out of my head but I didn't turn to watch Aine enter my bedroom.
"Jesus christ Millie what the fuck? Why are you lying in a room with the curtains closed and lights off in the middle of the day? What is that smell?" I didn't answer her because truth be told I didn't smell anything. I guess it had been that long since I had left the room that the smell had become normal to me.
Suddenly the blinds shot up and let beams of light fly through the room. Aine round the bed to stand in front of me, hands on hips looking down at me.
"Get up" she demanded. I stared back silently. "Seriously you think I'm joking? I'll drag you by your hair Millie Ann McCarthy, don't think I won't! " she snapped glaring down at me with frustration and worry clear on her face.
"Go away" I whispered and moved my gaze back to the wall. Suddenly she reached forward and grabbed my hands pulling me up to sitting before I could even struggle.
"Stop!" I snapped, my voice scratchy from having not spoken in weeks.
"No" she said still trying to pull me to standing.
"Let go" I snapped getting angry, feeling the first bit of life in weeks move through my body.
" Get your ass up!" She growled back at me.
" Fuck off Aine!" I screeched trying to pull away. Suddenly we were tussling at the side of the bed as she yanked one way and I did the other.
"Let me go!" I screeched and then found my face clamped between her hands, her face not two inches from mine, lines of determination and fear streaking across her features. Tears dotting her lower eye lid.
"You will not let yourself lose" she whispered fiercely. " I know you've stopped talking to the psychiatrist, and the rape crisis centre.   I know what this is but honey, you cannot stop fighting" she begged.
"Not worth it" I said back unemotional. Her eyes dropped into slits before she grabbed my hands and placed them on my rounded protruding baby bump.
"Feel him. Feel  him, Millie. He is worth every horror in this world. I can feel him moving baby, he's moving for you! He cannot wait to meet you, Babygirl,  he is counting the minutes until he gets to be in your arms." She said fiercely to me and I felt reality starting to seep through. Flutters and movement went off in my belly showing me he was wild and ready to move at just over seven months. " Don't let him down. Don't lose him. We are reaching for you honey,  take our hands and let us help you with this" she begged once again. 
Leaning forward I  dropped my forehead onto hers.
"I need a shower" I whispered.
"I'm not going to argue with you on that" she whispered back.
"Aine. I can't raise a baby in this shitty apartment. I have nothing to offer him" I whispered the fears that went through my head daily.
"Well first of all you're moving out of here and in with me because it's getting close to Christmas and you know Christmas crazy people scare me, so I need company" she said back sorting problems as if they were nothing. Tears filled my eyes.
"You're the best person I've ever known, Aine Ní Mháille." I said wholeheartedly.
"You make it easy to love you, Millie Mac Cárthaigh." She whispered back. "Now go shower mama G. I love you and your pregnant ass but you smell like a slurry pit" she said shaking her head before popping up and turning toward the door.
"I feel like pancakes are in order so hop to it, babygirl".

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So, thoughts? I'd love to know what you're all thinking xo