Rumour Has It ( Savage MC Book One)

chapter twenty one- a watched kettle never boils

I just want to say a huge thank you. You have no idea how much your support means to me and I'm so excited to continue creating this into a completed story. Keep up with me, everything even short and simple is relevant with where the story is going. Thanks again x
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Present day
Millie's p.o.v
Silence.
Silence that was so loud I winced with the volume of it. The emotions running through the room were like waves crashing into rocks; first disbelief and utter shock, then anger and fury crushed us all before pain, a pain so extremely, it overrode everything and left us all in the state we were in now.
Complete silence.
I did not look up from the floor because I feared the expressions they would all wear and the meaning behind them. I just focused on my hands and the silence.
A hiccup broke it. Then another one and slowly I looked to see Layla's eyes on me as tears destroyed her make up.
"I was so angry at you..." She whispered brokenly, shaking her head back and forth. I went to stand and my movement changed everything.  I felt it rise through the room as I looked beyond Layla to Cut.
"Get out" he spoke roughly.
Everyone slowly moved from the room, arms starting to wrap around each other as they processed information that was so beyond something they could have comprehended.  Then it was me and Cut and Jessica. The angry snarl that had always been present on her face when in my company was gone as she looked between me and Cut.
"Jess" he said and that was all, not taking his eyes from me, her name hung between us.
"That it then?" She whispered trying to sound strong but it didn't hide her fear and pain.
"I'll be home Jess, go home" he said back and I felt the pain she was feeling but for me it was at him calling where they lived 'home'.  With one more long look at me, she exited the room.
Silence once again. My words travelling around us as we gazed at each other unable to look away.
"He was inside you. Fiachra." it was a statement. A harsh fact I found out while recovering in hospital.
I remember lying in the hospital bed when the doctor came in and told me I was pregnant. At first I lost it,  crashing and screaming, hurting myself more in the process, as all I could think about was that God couldn't be that cruel to leave me pregnant after what I had endured. But it was only afterwards when I had calmed down with the help of the nurses that he informed me I was two months pregnant.
"We kept a close eye to make sure he didn't suffer any damage. He was perfectly fine, delivery wise and everything" I said gently.
"You should have told me, come back" another statement. No anger behind his words because I was guessing he just didn't have the power to feel much right now.
Instant anger overtook me however, my emotions running to high to stop myself.
"I did remember? I tried to get to you but I was disowned, gone remember? None of you would even look at me" started in an angry snap my rant finished in a broken whisper. " I didn't feel safe, I had to feel safe again" I whispered.
"So you left the fucking country? Back to Ireland, back to them?" He asked, not mean just trying to understand.
"It was home" I said simply.
"We were home" he said back automatically.
"Until you weren't. Then I was homeless and had to build a new one" I said softly.  His hung his head in defeat letting out a long breath. Hands raised to his hips he moved his gaze from the floor to me. 
"Jess " he said again,  this time saying a thousand words with only one. 
"Past is past" I said swiftly not wanting to get into this conversation, knowing his saw more in my gaze than I wanted him to every time I looked at him. It was embarrassing how aware he was of my feelings when really I should feel nothing of the sort for him.
"Different lifetime, babe" he went on almost sweetly, trying to soften a blow he didn't need to be giving, I knew what was what.
"I know" I snapped before I could stop myself. Taking a deep breath I said, "I'm tired I don't want to do this anymore. Please can we just do this tomorrow?  I'm crashing in my room here tonight"
I left in a hurry desperate to get away but didn't get halfway down the hall before my arm was grabbed. Spinning me around Layla gripped both my hands and stare at me in distraught.
"I didn't think...", she whispered brokenly, Buck coming out of their bedroom behind her and placing his hands down on her shoulders in support,"I lost two people from two different families that night...I just...we walked in...it looked... I didn't think" she started to cry again. Gripping her hands tightly back I lowered my forehead to hers.
"I'm okay hun, we're okay. Don't take that on. It's okay now, promise" I whispered back to her. Squeezing her eyes shut she pressed her forehead against mine until it hurt.
"Our kids would have been best friends" she spoke the words I never allowed myself to say out loud although often, in moments of weakness,  I'd notice my mind wondering to those ideas. 
"They're friends now" I forced out, " So there's no difference" I said although we both knew full well I was lying through my teeth. Gently squeezing her hands I moved away.
I didn't stop in my haste to get away, away from the past and what I was feeling, away from the vulnerability that had set camp in my stomach and most of all away from Cut and what had raised to the surface between us.

I was dead to the world asleep when two muscled arms shifted and caged me into a warm body at my back. Waking slightly I went to shift away before I felt a whisper across my ear.
"Sleep, sweetheart". He wrapped me warm into his chest and settle further into me so I was nearly lying on my stomach with him pressed fully to my back. 
"You okay?" I whispered back already settling into sleep, not nearly awake enough to process what was happening. Silence surrounded us and I'd almost nodded off when his anguished whispered reply came.
"Not even close, sweetheart. Don't know what I am anymore"
Before I could question him sleep took me prisoner and I surrendered into a dreamless dose. It was the first thing that popped into my head when I woke up and my mind raced with questions but they were irrelevant because  by then, judging from the coolness of the other half of the bed, Cut was long gone.