I Can't Make You Love Me

Chapter 22

22
"Make him your miracle as how he made you his."

Napalunok ako ng ilang beses habang humahakbang ako papalapit sa taong tila ako yata ang hinihintay.

"Good morning." mahinang bati ko.

Isang magandang ngiti naman ang sinalubong nya sa akin. "Miracle? Why.. are you here alone? Are you waiting for someone?" pag-aalala kong tanong. She's ill! Who knows what might happen here!

Tuluyang nawala ang pagitan namin ng hawakan nya ako sa aking mga kamay.

"Ikaw talaga ang hinihintay ko.. Halika sa loob?"

Nilingon ko ang katapat lamang na bahay ni Azrian bago tuluyang tumitig sa dati naming tinirhan ni Kenneth.

"Okay.."

Maagap ko syang inalalayan at agad kaming nagtungo sa gilid ng pool. It reminded me so much of the past.. Naaalala ko kung paano namin binuo ang plano naming pagpapatayo ng pool dito.

"Upo ka.."

"Salamat. Nasaan nga pala si Tita Cindy?"

"They went home.. She's with Papa Albert. But they promised to come back later before lunch. I'm sorry if I bothered your sleep."

Papa. Of course, she has the right to call her husband's parents as Mama and Papa..

Parang may nagbara sa lalamunan ko at hindi ko na gusto pang magsalita.. But then I was curious of something.

"Why do you want me here? I mean, I'm sorry if I sounded so rude but I just wanna know why? As far as I know, he's remembered everything.." about what happened to the both of us.

Agad namang nag-iwas ito ng tingin sa akin at ngumiti. "I always asked him, months after he was discharged at the hospital.. 'Bakit parang hindi ka naman natatakot na nawala sayo ang alaala mo?' and then would always answer, 'Because I want to know if those memories are really that important.. I will eventually remember those.'"

Her eyes watered.. She silently wiped her tears. I let her do that alone. Gusto kong malaman kung anong iniisip nya so I would understand.

"Everyday he would come to meet me. He would always want to see me.. Kasi may napapanaginipan daw syang isang babae. Hindi daw malinaw ang hitsura nya kaya ang gusto nya, makita ako. I asked his Mom about this certain girl.. That was the time they told me abou you."

Bigla na lang akong kinabahan.. Gusto kong tumayo para umalis dahil ayoko na sanang marinig pa ang mga sasabihin nya. But I was too weak to stand.

"They don't know what the real thing about the two of you. Pero may nasabi na minsan si Kenneth sa kanila about his feelings towards you. So we all thought that you're that girl behind his dreams. But, Mama wanted to keep it as a secret. Ayaw ka man nilang sisihin sa nangyari sa kanya pero hinayaan na lang nilang maging isa kang sikreto."

Nilingon nya ako. "He fell in love with me. Ayoko mang mahalin sya dahil baka isang araw magbalik ang lahat ng alaala nya at hanapin ka pero hindi ko napigilan. I got too attached with him dahil sa araw-araw ko syang kasama. Araw-araw kong naririnig mula sa kanya kung anong iniisip nya. Then he proposed.. and I ran away."

Dito ako napatayo. "You.. You rejected him?! Why?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sakanya.

"Because he would always say your name in his dreams."

"Pero.. pero bumalik ka naman, di ba? To marry him because you love him and it's the only thing that matters.."

Umiling ito ng sunud-sunod. She started crying so hard na kinabahan ako. "Miracle. I don't want to know what happened.. Please, calm down. Baka kung ma--"

"You need to know everything, Gabrielle." she whispered. "Yes, bumalik ako. Dahil hindi ko kayang mag-isa. Mahal ko sya.. Na I took advantage of his situation. I wanted to make him only mine. And I won!" histerikal pa itong tumawa habang umiiyak. "And this illness is what the price given for my selfishness. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry.."

Niyakap ko sya para pakalmahin. She's hurt and afraid.. Naiintindihan ko sya.

"Pinili mo lang kung saan ka sasaya, Miracle. And don't say you're sorry because I am so thankful of you that someone gave the love he deserves. The care he wishes from someone. You are his miracle.. Thank you for making him the better version of his self by showing him your love."

Sa pag-iyak nya ay syang pag-iyak ng puso ko.. I thought she was lucky of having Kenneth as her husband but I never thought that she's hurting too.. Like me.

"Now that I already know about it.. Make yourself free from it. Just enjoy the moment while it last.. Magpagaling ka. For yourself, for the people around you specially Kenneth. Make him your miracle as how he made you his."

Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang dumadaloy sa mga pisngi nya at hinawakan ko ang mga kamay nya. "Naiintindihan ko lahat ng ginawa mo. You only loved.. Hindi mo sya iniwan. At hindi mo sya iiwanan."

I turned my back and caressed my chest. Para bang dinudurog ako.. Pero habang nasasaktan ako ay pakiramdam ko deserve ko lahat 'to. I was stupid of letting him go, so stupid of making myself stone-cold towards him.. This is the price I'm paying.

"Mahal ka pa rin nya."

I was caught off-guard this time. Parang yumanig ang mundo ko.. Ang sarap sana sa pakiramdam. Ngunit hindi, e. Hindi ako pwede makaramdam ng kahit na ano towards this situation.

Nagpasya na akong bitawan sya at talikuran. "Hinding-hindi ako matatahimik hangga't hindi kayo nagiging masaya. Hindi ko kailangan si Kenneth sa buhay ko. You need him because you love him. And I don't."