Erin woke and felt really nauseous. Jay walked into the bathroom to find her hugging the toilet.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I drank too much." Erin admitted.
"Yeah, and you weren't supposed to be drinking at all. You were on bed rest, you shouldn't have even been planning a re-wedding." Jay teased.
"It was our wedding though. I had to drink something and I was kind of missing the alcohol. Not that I'm an alcoholic or anything but... you get it." Erin rambled.
"Okay, well I'm gonna go make you some coffee to help with that hangover, you go lay down and rest." Jay ordered.
"Do I have to rest?" Erin pouted.
"It's either that, or we can make a visit to the doctors and he can tell you the same thing I'm telling you." Jay forced her to the bedroom.
"Ugh. I hate being on bed rest. I feel like I should be doing more." Erin groaned.
"Yeah. Sleeping. You should be doing more sleeping," Jay laughed.
"Fine, whatever." She gave in. She laid down and closed her eyes. She didn't fall asleep though. She just lay there, motionless until Jay believed she was sleeping and got in the shower.
Erin put her clothes on and headed to CPD. She wrote a note for Jay saying she forgot she scheduled an appointment with a doctor that way he wouldn't worry. Although he found out that wasn't the truth when he also arrived at CPD to find Erin sitting in her desk.
"What're you doing here!?" Jay questioned.
"Working. What does it look like?" Erin said, her pale face getting paler by the second.
"Are you okay, you're super pale." Jay asked.
"I haven't actually slept in a week but that's okay. Who needs sleep?" She asked rhetorically.
"You do!" Jay pulled a chair over by her desk.
"I can't sleep, Jay." She stood and led him into the break room.
"What are you talking about?"
"Every time I close my eyes, all I can picture is that day. I see us standing there, me in a white gown, you in your tux, but then I see blood and I fall. It scares me." She states.
"Erin, that's how you feel?" Jay pulled her into a hug. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because I was afraid you'd think I was weak." Erin pushed her face into his shoulder.
"Hey," he pulled away to see her face, "I will never think you're weak. I love you, Erin. I know what you've been through, and it's a hell of a lot. That's how I know you're not weak, that's how I know you're the strongest woman in this whole damn precinct. In this whole damn world, Erin, I never want you to feel like you're weak."
"I think I should go to see a therapist." Erin confessed.
"I think that'd be best. Don't worry, Erin, everything will be okay." Jay comforted.
"Can I spend the day here, though. It makes me feel safe. You make me feel safe."
"Yeah, but don't overwork yourself. Okay?"
"Okay," Erin agreed.
The next was her appointment with Dr. Short.
"So how are you feeling today?" The therapist asked.
"Better than I did yesterday. I think that letting Jay know how I felt took a little of the weight off my shoulders." Erin admitted.
"Do you wanna tell me why you feel this weight on your shoulder?" She asked, "just remember, this all goes by how much you want to share with me. This could be your first and last session, or we could be here for another 3 years, if that's what you want."
"I understand. And I think I'm ready to share." Erin looked up. "I always felt like I wasn't good enough for Jay, and when he proposed the first time, I thought it was joke. Then he proposed again, and I felt scared. I don't know why, but I was terrified."
"Was?" Dr. Short questioned.
"Not anymore, really. He's been really great. At our wedding, our actual wedding, when I got shot, I felt... more or so relieved. Not because I'd been waiting to get shot, not because I didn't want to marry Jay, but I feel like we rushed into things. I feel like I'm trapped. Two days ago I said I wanted to have kids. I don't. But I knew that's what he wanted. Ever since I woke up from the coma, he's been slightly mentioning kids in every conversation. I don't want kids. I'm not even sure I want him anymore." Erin confessed.
"That's a lot to hold in, and I'm glad you came. This is what I'm here for." Dr. Short stated.
