new beginnings

Alive

I woke up, completely unaware of where I was or what time it was. Wherever I was it was pitch-black and hot. But I did know one thing.

I was alive.

I realized that I was in a bed. My heart raced and I jerked my arm up, which had an IV attached to it. I tried to call for someone but my voice would not speak. I was very scared and disoriented.

"Help!" My voice was quiet and scratchy.

I waited for a response as I was paralyzed with fear of what could happen next.

Then a door was slammed open and the lights flickered on. I was now aware that I was in the garage, where I spent my time when I had the accident. My eyes closed quickly as they couldn't adjust to the bright light that fast.

"Carl?" A voice quietly asked. Footsteps came closer to me.

I finally opened my eye and looked out the window. It was dark, so it was nighttime.

I refocused and I saw in front of me Denise.

"What happened?" My voice was still weak. I looked down at my wrist, which was dressed with tape and gauze. I suddenly remembered the whole thing. My heart sank and I felt remarkably sad, even angry. Angry that I didn't die.

"You were put in a coma," Denise's eyes were filled with relief. Maybe because I was awake.

"How long?" My small voice would not sound the way I wanted it to.

"Four days, we wanted to let your body heal, lucky us we had anesthesia for it," she said.

I noticed my shirt when I looked down. It was from the last moment I was conscious. The dried blood was the only color that I could see on my shirt.

"Carl!" Jordan stood at the doorway of the garage. She ran to me and tightly hugged me. And she didn't stop for a long time. Denise showed herself out, taking Jordan's hint, I guess.

"Are you okay?" She asked, sitting on the side of my bed beside me.

I tried to process my thoughts, but didn't speak for a minute. I instead remembered the IV and took it out of my arm. It hurt to take it out, but I didn't care. I wanted nothing to do with it. Jordan looked a little surprised that I did that, but said nothing.

"I wanted to die," I explained. My voice was beginning to get less raspy. Her relieved eyes became sullen.

She broke into tears after hesitating as long as she could. She hid her face in her hands.

"I don't know why, it just came over me. All of the sadness and problems re-entered my mind all at once. Suicide felt like it would finally be a way out," my voice stuttered since it hurt me to see her cry. She looked up, probably since that answered her biggest question.

"I had a nightmare," I fessed up. She got quiet.

"My mom died. Again. It felt so real, like I was there," I said, and a tear rolled down the one side of my face. That was the first time I said anything about her to Jordan. Her eyes were filled with relief again. She had finally knew what must've hurt her for days.

She immediately took me back in her arms and just cried with me. I really cried hard, which embarrassed me but she was sobbing as much as me.

She pulled herself away from me. "I need to tell you what happened to my family," she shakily said. I always sort of wondered about what her backstory was. I became quiet.

"When this all happened, my mom, dad, my brother Jace, and I resorted to a store with some other people who were as scared as us. I wasn't really understanding what was happening. But we camped out with all those people for weeks, and when the food went low, all hell broke loose. Everyone was certain they would die. Almost all the men went crazy, they started raping all the adult women because they thought it would be their last chance to have sex. My dad protected my mom and I, but then he became a whole different person. He started raping Mom, then... he started doing it to me. Jace tried to save me from him, but Dad strangled him in front of me. It was torture... then one day I woke up and everyone but me had killed themselves," her voice kept pausing and her tears were choked back the whole time. I was shocked, I never knew that happened to her. I was speechless so all I could muster up was to hug her and just let her cry.