Blue Hearts 2k16 (My Collection of Poems And Short Stories)

Hungry (Part 2/2)

“I killed her.”

I tell myself.

I shake my head and bitterly laugh.

I know very well that this wasn’t the first time,

And it certainly isn’t the last.

I stumble into my room, not bothering to see if I locked the door.

I fall unto the desk and stare at the empty notebook sitting on top of it.

With shaking hands, I quickly find a pencil.

I carve my words unto the paper.

Scratching down all of my despairs.

At times I believe that if I write down what I really feel,

All the pain would disappear.

I always hope that the paper would take on my misfortune instead.

I hate the words and sentences that fill my head.

I don’t want to hold unto these emotions any longer.

I am always filled with unexplainable hunger.

The will to feast on anything.

Devour anyone I come across.

I know it’s not right, but I can’t stop.

All of these urges to do something.

Anything to calm my distress.

But I must stop myself.

I must control myself.

Only the paper understands what I feel.

The desire to be filled with something.

The needing to be acknowledged and loved.

Knowing that it can only be satisfied by one thing.

This feeling isn’t something that you can just get rid of.

Sometimes the impulse is simply too strong.

And when you look at your hands, everything feels wrong.

All you can do is stare at the result of your evil deeds.

After reading what I wrote, I felt disgusted.

So I crossed out everything.

I thought about the body.

The guilt building inside of me.

But I can’t help it.

The blood painting the cement a pretty crimson.

The pleasantly warm intestines.

The suspenseful last breath of life.

I love it all.

And when I stared at the bruised flesh.

My mouth watered.

I couldn’t resist it any longer.

I haven’t tasted it in a while.

So I dug in.

I was satisfied.

I was full.

I looked down at my stomach.

Although I felt the bittersweet satisfaction of being filled once again.

My sanity isn’t something that I am able to restore.

I smiled and licked my lips.

“I’m not hungry anymore.”