Blue Hearts 2k16 (My Collection of Poems And Short Stories)

Bedsheets (Part 2/2)

I felt around the bed sheets.

They’re cold.

I wonder when did you leave.

I scoffed.

I rolled unto my back and stared at the ceiling.

Maybe I made a mistake.

Maybe I should stop this.

I sat up and ignored the pain in my lower back.

I slowly trudged to my mirror and glared at the marks on my neck.

I lowered my eyes to look at my hips.

They were bruised and weeping.

I cautiously rubbed the traumatized spots,

I winced as they cried out.

Maybe I should go wash up.

I stood under the running water and sighed.

I roughly scrubbed at my blemished areas.

I could hear the fragile skin screaming at me to stop.

But I tried to scrape and graze off the disgusting reminders of you.

Yet after the struggle I could somehow still feel your cold eyes pierce through my soul.

I shudder and wrap my arms around myself.

“Stop! Stop!”

I took in large amounts of air.

It was as if the water around me would eventually consume me.

My breaths became quick and irregular.

My lungs begged me to relax.

But your invisible hands were still imprinted around my neck.

I can’t breathe.

I felt sick and disgusted with myself.

I wanted to escape this prison.

I wanted to run away from this body.

I didn’t want to see you anymore.

I gagged and a rush of nothingness come from my throat.

I couldn’t help but drown in my own disappointment.

I could hear my empty stomach warning me to calm down.

My chest sizzled with a familiar sense of hatred.

You aren’t even here anymore and yet you still torture me.

I wish that I could reject you.

Why do I love you so much?

Why couldn’t I just be like everyone else?

Why am I so nice?

Even as you push me to the ground and use me,

I still want to be with you.

Even when you come to me wasted and slurring,

I open my arms.

I wish that I was more colder.

Maybe I would’ve been able to protect myself.

Maybe I would’ve been able to stop everything from happening.

How did something so innocent become so sickening?

I know that you don’t care about me,

But when you whisper empty promises and hollow assurances to me,

I can’t help but smile and believe in all your intoxicated lies.

You’re such an amazing actor,

Or maybe I’m just naive.

Sometimes when the night is little more colder,

When the darkness is a little more closer,

When the monsters won’t stop whispering,

I run my hand through your hair and ask you to stay with me.

I beg you to hold me, just for tonight.

You smile at me with soft eyes.

Why are you so precious?

Why do you do this to me?

“Ofcourse.” You responded in a way that seemed ridiculous.

I always rejoice in moments like this.

I know you’re probably not going to remember this the next morning.

But just this time, I can have you all to myself.

As you close your eyes and fall asleep.

I trace your strong features.

Your perfect nose.

And you’re welcoming lips.

I always question why you choose me of all people,

But I’m quickly reminded that you don’t want me because of the person I am,

But because of this cursed body of mine.

Not once have I heard a whisper of love from you.

I pushed away all the negative thoughts and distracted myself with all the things that I loved about you.

I thought of your contagious laugh.

I thought of your blinding smile.

I thought of your adorable habits.

And I thought of all those times when you never showed those qualities around me.

I traced your shoulders and kissed your temple.

I remember when I used to love waking up to the rising sun.

But now it’s something I despised because I knew that the warmth of sunlight that escaped from my curtains, signaled that the clock was relentlessly ticking.

I cherished all the happy one sided moments I had with you.

As exhaustion overcame me, I prayed that I would wake up to the sound of your breathing.

When I felt the light hit my eyes,

I slowly brushed my hands against the sheets to find them empty.

I trembled and shivered as the cold air met my vacant heart.

I brought my hand to my chest.

My lips shook as I felt warmth spread behind my closed eyelids and drip down unto my icy pillow.

You left again.