idk what this is

nighttime thoughts

(edit: wow second part to imogens super emo late thoughts. again cringe. hope you enjoy)

hi

it's imogen

you know what sucks
(i'm about to rant and complain im sorry)

i'm introverted and awkward and quiet and depressed and anxious

both of my therapists told me that "some people have to be introverted. we can't all be extroverted"

and yeah i guess that makes sense. it's just why. i know others have much worse lives than me but sometimes i think why was it me that have all of these physical and medical problems. why wasnt it someone else. it's so stupid and complain-y i know. it's just i think how lucky some people are. don't get me wrong i'm very lucky but. others don't have to be scared of their brain everyday like it's gonna betray them. others don have to take 5 pills a day to be "normal" but still not even accomplishing that. others don't have to spend 5 hours every week to talk to someone about how stupid and twisted your brain is and how they need to accomplish simple tasks normal people don't even think about. other people don't stop breathing and break down crying because they have to talk to someone new. other people don't have that constant feeling of worry and anxiety in their chest. they don't have spots all over their body and when people see them the have that look of disgust on their face and want you to not show your body around them. others don't have to plan their outfits around their scars they made theirselves or those same spots others make fun of. i think of how lucky they are. but i'm also lucky. i have food, water, shelter, medical help. i shouldn't complain. it's just.....you're lucky. dont take....things for granted. i'm sorry i complain so much. i'm so stupid. i have a totally fine life it's just others....they don't have to worry as much i guess. or i hope they don't. i would NEVER wish anyone anxiety or depression. they are terrible. but it's weird. they're terrible but i consider them like friends or even family. i love them in a sick twisted way. ANYWAY that's another story/rant/weird brain thoughts for another time. i'm sorry i rant so much

i'll probably not publish this

ily all

~imogen