idk what this is

nighttime thoughts 2

sooo time for another emo nighttime thoughts with your host IMOGEN

okay let's get into this

so i've been thinking(wow i'm so proud)
you know how it's usually comforting when people hear that others are going through the same thing as them
it's not for me. idk why
like when i hear that others are going through the same thing i almost feel guilty? like they don't deserve to go through this but i do. i need to go through this. LISTEN MY BRAIN IS WEIRD. but i don't like hearing it. i told my therapist how i miss my anxiety(another story for another time) and she said tons of other people go through that. i know that that's supposed to be comforting but i was like oh no. they shouldn't be feeling why i'm feeling. because what i'm feeling is awful. i don't want others to feel that. if i could take on all of the unnecessary anxiety and depression from this world for it all to be put on me i would do it in a heartbeat. i actually think a lot about that. like i wish i could do that for my friends and family. when i see others going through that i feel so guilty. like your not meant to feel that. i should. this is my fault. my anxiety crept into their brain. how could it do that? stuff like that. my brain is crazy. should i speak about this in therapy tomorrow? eh probably not. i've been thinking of a plan that i should pretend to be okay in front of my therapist and parents so i can go out of therapy so my parents can stop paying for therapy because 1) dang it's expensive 2) they're paying for me and my sisters therapy. ahhh. i probably shouldn't

i'm absolutely dreading tomorrow for school. but i can't skip anymore school because my therapist told me a can't. also dang i've missed a lot of school already. gotta love that brain of mine

okay i love you guys SO MUCH (i really really do)

i hope you have a goodnight sleep and a nice and peaceful morning.

~imogen